Something Small, 2/17/21.

It’s weird that my job was still running during COVID-19, but when that ice and snow hit they took more precaution. I don’t mind the days off. I just wish it hit on a Thursday. I would be at work, and sometimes there are occasions where the material for the job doesn’t match the requirements, and I would like to leave sometimes because I feel they won’t look for the right material, they have the right material but would withhold it for future use, or they simply don’t have it. I would also think the supplier uses the wrong identification for the material.

Now, I have the cold. I wanted to pour hot salt water over my vehicle, but I think it will damage it. We already have mandatory overtime, and that will hinder some future activities over the weekend, but I need to be at work, even if the ice nd snow is not our fault.

And I’m just getting started.

BLM

Things That Will Place Me in The Hot Seat (Single Black Introvert Version), 2/7/21.

I may have said this already, but forget it. These are blogs.

I have friends who are of a different ethnicity. Some are married, and some are single. Say I like one of the ladies. If any of them would pick up that vibe, I would be on my own, no backup support if I were ever to pursue that lady. For example, if the folks were Filipino, they’re looking out for the Filipina lady. What messes me up is that they would root for her to hook up with a white man/ dude (I say dude), or someone who’s in the top ethnic chain (:P I think there is a ranking. I may speak on it).

I may be overexaggerating when I put out my thoughts, but my spirit has picked up on this with folks, and I found it unfair. One of the main factors outside of the color of my skin is that I didn’t know everybody. They may have been on the Spice Girl thing, I had to get to know everybody. The truth is I didn’t want to know everybody. Some folks gave me sketchy vibes. Some folks were reserved, and that was their problem. Those folks bleed out red just like I do. My thing was how folks treated others, whether they had a stank attitude or not.

Another factor outside of my skin color is that I don’t talk as much. I’m and introvert, I can me shy, and I can feel awkward in some situations. If folks want me to talk, give me something to talk about. When I was in grade school, some girls asked why I didn’t talk, and I said I had nothing to talk about. I should have asked, “What do you want me to talk about?” or, “What do you want to talk about?” to see what they were trying to get, but I didn’t think that way back then. Now, I’m not snobby. I have to find a middle ground so I can get into a conversation.

Another factor outside of my skin color is that I don’t have anything folks can relate to. I like cartoons, Legos, comic books, wrestling entertainment, J Dilla beats, and other things. They may think, “Huh?” But it doesn’t mean I can’t share what I like. There should be a middle ground instead of a brick wall.

And even when there is no brick wall, that mess about not having interracial love has me wanting to drop most of those friends. Black males seem to be directed to only love Black women, if that. Folks probably don’t want Black men to love any women. Also, I’ll get the ugliness when non-Black people introduce me to a Black woman they know. There’s no problem with that, but some of that happens in an attempt to get me away from the non-Black women, allegedly.

I may be tripping, though. I’ve said it on here before… I don’t care about the skin color. Because of the boundaries people are trying to make, I may lean more towards Black women (I do need to show more love to them, though). But I’m who I am. Whoever I possibly marry in the future, there will be stink mugs (faces). Folks might as well unfriend me on Facebook now. To the rest, much love. People know where to find me.

And I’m just getting started,

BLM

Brandon’s Rhyme Corner, 1/31/21.

Qert (Wagner)’s Thoughts, January 2021

Qert took a piece of paper from work to write this rhyme.

He couldn’t think of anything berserk to plight this time.

There was a light to shine over the creativity.

Blessed to be alive, but he doesn’t pine over his civility.

He wishes to have the ability to live well with everyone,

but insecurities and fear dwell in mostly everyone,

yet a host of folks say he uses exaggeration.

A lack of cohorts led him to teleport into his imagination.

Sometimes, Qert felt alone. Sometimes, he felt left out.

Sometimes, he was in a zone, and he needed to step out.

He met people that inspired him to know Jesus.

Much broken, but he learned the Word to fix some broken pieces.

Qert moved past broken theses and uncommitted spoken words.

Loved to be unique, but refused to be the token in the herd.

He keeps to himself. Some accepted it, some rejected it, and some were shook.

Some wanted to take him out based off the way he looks.

And the eccentric ones help push life forward,

while a good handful live in a box and can be seen a cowards.

Qert is reminded of an eccentric one who could be seen as unique,

someone who considered himself a supervillain before his peak.

His tragedies came with scars that were masked, but he was an inspiration.

Qert was inspired to be an overcomer with perspiration.

And Qert may be far from a hero, but he’s far from being a lame.

No cap. He’ll remember to use ALL CAPS to spell the man’s name.

for DOOM

BLM

Something Small, 12/28/20.

On Christmas Eve, I went to a famous discount store to get a few things before Christmas. I almost had all I needed, and I went into an aisle to see if I can get a pie crust. The aisle had a good amount of people, and I left my buggy at the end of the aisle to search for the crust, and I didn’t see one I would use. I went back to my buggy to find it missing, and I thought someone moved it out of the way. I looked to the right, and I find two males taking things I was purchasing out of my buggy. I went over there and claimed what I was using, placed the items back in my buggy, and went to check out and purchase. As I was leaving the store, I took out my bagged items and gave the buggy to the next person.

I should have an increased level of pride after that incident, a boost of confidence, but not really. Some would say I was in the right. If the males carried a huge amount to machismo, a strong sense of intimidation, I would have took my stuff and headed to checkout. A while later, I thought about times where I should have stood up for myself as a child, a teenager, and an adult. I’m not tough, I didn’t get into fights, I’m scared to fight, and I don’t have hands, even though I took martial arts. I would feel more proud of myself if I had those brave moments, if I had fights where I won. That’s the past, right? Really, what’s more important is what I stand up for now. Willing to fight for prove that I’m tough is for personal stuff. Fighting to be a good son, brother, an upstanding aspiring debt-free individual seems less selfish, and I won’t get a broken nose out of it.

And I’m just getting started.

BLM

Vocational Journey of A Black Introvert, 11/9/20.

Today (Monday), I went to work at 6:30. There, I found out that we have mandatory overtime Monday through Friday starting at 5 a.m. to regular closing time. I didn’t know. It’s really time to find another job, even though I’m hopefully not a liability. To my offense, I didn’t check the designated areas to see if we were having any overtime because they would have posted it on Wednesday (something I didn’t see). Plus, I was about the only one who showed up “late.” To my defense, I truly didn’t know. It wasn’t discussed throughout the plant in our department. Plus, one of the head people called me up as I was about to clock in stopped me to ask me if I knew about the overtime, and that person has something against our side. Monday wasn’t my day because it brought up old unresolved issues, which is I don’t like it when I’m not in the know. It happened growing up, with family, overseas in China, seminary, and other spots. Maybe it’s not for me to know at the time based on God’s plan, but I felt it’s sketchy/ scandalous/ dishonest when people do it. I have to learn to be mature enough to work through it. Deceitful! that’s the word I was looking for.

And I’m just getting started.

BLM

My Thoughts on Donald Trump (and His Wife) Having COVID-19, 10/4/20.

I don’t like the current president of the United States. I don’t like his attitude, and his character is not appealing to me. It’s crazy that I saw a video within a video on YouTube where an interviewer was talking to a random person on the street who thought the Republican views should be implemented, and the interviewer went, “… like Donald Trump,” and the person paused with a disappointing look.

When I found out that he, along with his wife, were tested positive for COVID-19, it would be expected of me to celebrate the news possibly saying, “you got what you deserve.” I probably would have done it then, thinking vindictive minded, but I’m different than who I was. I say I hope he gets better, if he and his wife really has COVID-19. I say that because they have children and family, and this affects them. The president is still a human being, despite how folks feel about him. With the mindset I have, I wouldn’t want to wish any ill will on folks, yet I hope this situation has him rethink his narrative on how minorities are treated, healthcare, etc.

If this turns out to be false, in order to gain sympathy during election time, I still don’t wish ill will on him, but I believe manipulation will be dealt with, maybe not on Earth, but in a spiritual aspect.

Instead of throwing shade, I will pray for him and his wife to get well (if they got it, yes). Even if I don’t want him in office, I will pray for him and the rest of the country’s leaders. I pray that they will seek Jesus’ advice on what to do, even if it’s not the popular choice. And if they don’t prove themselves to be the opposite of corrupt, I pray the Lord will replace them with leaders that are human, makes mistakes like humans do, but leads in a manner that the Lord approves.

And I’m just getting started.

BLM

Open mic at Wildcat Market on 9/14/20.

#suicideawareness#suicideawarenessmonth#suicideprevention#suicidepreventionmonth September was suicide awareness month, but the national suicide prevention week was from 9/6 to 9/12. I wanted to show love for suicide prevention by making a set that I can relate to, something close to me. I haven’t told my family about things like this, either. I went through thoughts of it, and I wouldn’t want anyone I know to go through it (depression, too). So, I’m placing this website: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ and a phone number: 1-800-273-8255. Be a blessing to those around you.

Either I Had It, or It was Something Else, 9/23/20.

A few weeks ago on a Tuesday, I was at work doing my normal thing, and in the middle of the day I felt a pain on my right seat/ upper thigh (I didn’t want to say the crease of the bottom right cheek of my buttocks). I thought I did something strenuous and thought nothing of it. The next day, I went to work and the pain was still there. As I was working, the pain was getting worse, and I took some ibuprofen that day. I couldn’t walk right or anything. When I was walking to my vehicle, it was a task, and my left leg was getting tired from doing a lot of the work. I went home and rested on it, later telling my job I couldn’t come to work the next day. That Thursday, I was in my bed. The pain was serious. I couldn’t sit. Whenever I moved my leg, there was pain. It was a task to use the bathroom. I had a few things going for me, one I won’t discuss, and I decided to take my temperature. It was 100 degrees. I looked up symptoms for COVID-19, and I had 3 of the symptoms. I did receive a phone call from work wondering where I’ve been, and I told them what was going on. I thought they received the message earlier, but they didn’t. I asked my mother to get me a few things like soup and Sprite. The next day, I was in quarantine in my room with the door shut. My family was taking precautions as well. I went to get tested, and it was then when I decided to switch my primary care physician because I don’t think the people behind the phones are concerned about seeing me or possibly others. I went to one more place before being suggested to go to an urgent care place. When I explained what I had and everything, I was advised to be in quarantine until the next Friday, and they tested me.

The following week, I was resting. I did get me results on Monday, and I didn’t have COVID. What I wished I did during that time was look for another job, but I admit to my laziness. My pain was slowly going away, and in the previous weekend I didn’t have the other symptoms. During the time of the quarantine, one of my family members was absent from the house for a while, and I can tell they wanted to stay away from it because they called me on that Monday to see if I had it (they called my mother to know my results, not me). That Friday, I went back to work, and I believe I went to work during an overtime weekend (Boo).

I believe I had COVID for a few days. Either that, or I was bitten. I looked up the effects of a spider bite, and they shared some similarities to that of COVID, since the warehouse where I work has a bunch of spiders. The following week, I put a note in the suggestion box suggesting that they get an exterminator for the spiders. Orkin was in the parking lot that week.

I am blessed that I feel a whole lot better than what I did. Being able to walk and sit down with no pain is a blessing. I was thinking about what would happen if I were to catch it. I thought about my family and everything. I wondered what if I was one of the ones that didn’t make it if I had COVID. If I were to have it, and I know this sounds sick, I would know who is down to see be get healed and who will back away during the trial. All will be forgiven, though. What’s important is that I am striving to be healthy and safe, even if I was doing those things prior to the incident.

And I’m just getting started.

BLM

Something Not Small, 9/3/20.

My right butt cheek and thigh is in pain. I can’t walk or sit right. My temperature hit 100 (I will go and get tested), but I’m going to keep it moving. I can try to write something in the meantime, so here it is.

I want to speak to the fellas, especially Black American males. Some of us don’t discriminate in the skin color department when it comes to love and relationships (it’s cool if we want to keep it people group to people group with no prejudice). There are sources that will say we’re not good enough, we can’t be trusted, we’ll bring shame upon their family, and other negative wording. And that mess can come from hate, fear, or both (possibly that insecurity mess, too). I will say it’s going to be tough, but keep pushing.

We are who we are. Some of us struggle with identity, and with some people giving us the stereotypes it makes it hard to look in the mirror and say, “You be you.” I’m going to say it, though. You be you. We are distinctly, uniquely made. Some folks devalue others because of the color of their skin, and that’s a giant mistake. I saw something online where a family with Black members had their house appraised. Then they took the photos of the Black members out, and had it appraised again, and it was higher than it was with Black people there. It’s foul. And to add to the mess, it’s like the resources in Africa is worth a lot more than the people living there. It’s like they’re saying, “Forget the people. Give us the diamonds.” We must think of ourselves as validated and not wait for/ look to others to validate us.

Now I said that, it can be applied to pursuing a relationship. As I said before, some of us don’t care of the skin tone or nationality or people group. If they’re fine, we will holler. Some will insist on sticking to the people group and will say opposing things about the other people groups. I believe those things hinder reconciliation and any progression against racism. For example, if a lady from Chile thought I was fine and vice versa, it shouldn’t be a problem, but people from opposing teams can make it a problem. I think when we treat ourselves with a great amount of respect, love, and dignity we can brush off things like stereotypes.

I feel like male Black America have a long way to go with the interracial thing. I feel like one of the top groups who will rock with us are Filipinas, some Koreans and White people, too. I don’t even think some of the people groups in Africa will rock with us because of the historical stereotypes (shout out to Ghana). That’s why I want to motivate us to treat ourselves better because those good vibes can roll off on folks. Sometimes, we’re seen in the wrong light, and it’s about time that stops. What’s crazy is that there’s discrimination towards dark-skinned people in places like Mexico and China. I’ll encourage them, too. Our behavior is not determined by our skin color. When we treat ourselves better some of that stuff rolls off and we can deal with the rest.

We must keep it pushing. When we treat ourselves with better light and give off that shine, it may attract others. We ought to share that shine to the ladies who appreciate us, regardless of color. I know this is everywhere, but :P. I want to encourage the fellas out there who face the opposition and it’s bull-crap. We must appreciate ourselves, be loving, be wise, be strong, and not fall into the mess that’s told about us.

And I’m just getting started.

BLM

Something Not Small, 8/18/20.

Last week/ weekend, I was watching a series of videos on YouTube. In them was a R&B singer who was mourning over her friend’s/ former band member’s death. Her mourning wasn’t just mourning. She was revealing a lot of information on the artists she worked with. The information wasn’t pleasant. It contained misogyny, hypocrisy, lies, and abuse. She said that one of her former boyfriends who’s an acclaimed Hip-Hop artist, who we would think respect women in the highest level, treated her rudely in the relationship. She also stated that she was with an artist who was 20+ her senior in order to keep the other artists from pushing up on her, and was was affiliated with a group with a lot of members. She may have alluded to rape in her discussions as well.

Her revelations were very shocking as she called out an acclaimed Hip-Hop band for not truly honoring her friend who past away, and he was a founding member of this Hip-Hop band. She said they didn’t portray themselves as they did in their music. She also said two of the top “new” soul singers that blew up were “loose,” not down-to-earth as one would perceive. One would think they would come off as wholistic, conscious, earthy people, when they’re allegedly hedonistic and sexist. This was disappointing to hear about some of the artists because they were my escape from the commercialized rap content, coming to find out they were allegedly participating in it. I don’t if I could hear one of those great albums the same again.

If this is all true, if everything she was saying has weight and more weight, there’s a lot of cleansing I need to do. I was thinking that there were rappers faking it in gangsta rap. Now, there are allegedly rappers faking it in “conscious” rap. I might forget it all and listen to only instrumentals. Let me go to my J Dilla beat tapes.

And I’m just getting started.

BLM