Something Small, 2/17/18.

  • This week was the first week I started my four week stint as cashier at another restaurant. It was cool, yet it was boring because the business was not like my other job. I was already asked if I could stay, and I said no. I told the guy, not the boss, that I will be leaving my other job as well, but at a later time. Word got out to his boss, and his boss talked to my manager, and the thing was misconstrued. I tried to explain when I was going to leave, but it didn’t transmit well until later. Recently, there was a disagreement among the coworkers, and one of them felt discriminated against because of ethnicity. The next day, there was a mistake in the cooking which involved a refund. This, along with other disagreements, has happened once too many, and I told the manager that mess has to stop. I don’t know what the real problems are, insecurity and other crap may be involved, but they keep coming up, and having those things spill out in front of customers is messed up because it taints the business.
  • The writing begins. I think the fan fiction starts first. And I want to do this.
  • My attitude is getting better. I admitted to some folks about how I don’t like spur-of-the-moment changes, and we prayed about it. I am releasing getting a sour attitude when changes don’t go the way I want them to, so there will be a little less pouting. The next thing will be taking the training wheels off my bike.
  • I had an eczema problem for a while, along with other things. I went to the dermatologist, and it was helpful. Beside the medication, I was instructed to not use things that had a fragrance. So the soap, detergent, fabric softener (liquid), and lotion had to be unscented, and that’s a challenge. I already stopped using cologne because it messed with me, but everything else, too? After a few weeks, there is improvement. I still wished I could have fragrance in the soap, but I’ll be okay if it helps my skin.

NRTSU2

Advertisements

Something Small, 2/10/18.

  • Work is becoming too much, for my personality at least. I was asked to work with different hours for one day as opposed to split a shift with another employee. I was okay with it during the week, but what wasn’t explained was that the managers wanted me to do this up until the person “graduates” from school. I already spoke about the situation, saying that the arrangement should have been settled way earlier than now instead of waiting at the last moment to switch things up. What triggered me was while I was asked by one of their friends/ manager of another restaurant to help them (paid) for a month since one of their folks will be away for a month, the day I asked to help them was turned down by my manager because I’ll be working at my job that whole day, and that wasn’t fully explained (as I said earlier). This wrinkles my regular schedule, as I use that time to be creative, participate in church activity, and recoup after work. On the selfless side, I’m helping people out, whether they need time in between work and school or if someone will be away for a while. And then there’s me saying I don’t like how I’m being used at work. I will not be pimped out for help, and folks need to respect my time outside of work. I already told them they need 3-4 employees in my position, especially how things are arranged, and one person is already considering switching to part-time in the following month. I think they really want me to work seven days a week from open to close. I will pull my last day working there by the end of April or May. I’ll do my best not to complain, but to do my job, make my suggestions, not be as upset, and make a bold statement of how workers should be treated- I need help on the last one.
  • I’m starting my stories writing now. I told a person what I plan on writing this year, and I’ve been told that when I say I’m going to do something, I do it. I don’t want to lose that element of me. So, starting now and next week the writing continues.
  • There has been bull crap going on that hinders me from being creative, and most of it is from me since I don’t overcome the bull crap. That stops.

 

NRTSU2

Something Small, 1/30/18.

Last week was the first week getting back into the gym after a month. I was sick in a 2-to-3 month span, and December was occupied with work (this year is my last year there). I go in the evening, and there was a bunch of people there. It was tough for me to do my routine, but I did what I could in the situation. At one point, there was a person on a machine I wanted to use, and they were just sitting there using their phone… yeah.

As I was working out, I noticed the amount of folks who were in shape. The dudes have been lifting, and the ladies were killing it. I felt intimidated, like I had to be up to their level. I was fighting with my conscious as I was working. I have to remember why I joined: to lose weight. Being sick and/ or having too much on my plate haltered getting in better shape, but I hope this year gives me the opportunity to kill mismanagement with time and do the things I need to do and enjoy the things I’m acquainted with and want to get acquainted with.

 

And I’m just getting started.

BLM

NRTSU2

Quiet Motivation.

After 2 years of posting anything on YouTube and 3 years of posting any new material on YouTube, I finally posted a new beat. It’s sloppy, but it’s sloppy, and it’s there. For the longest time, I was going to do a project in between projects, something to keep the creative juices fresh. I stopped being creative in music and writing in 2015/ 2016 because I was thrown off when I had to leave a job I liked. Really, I put the blame on myself because I chose not to press on.

I wasn’t lazy, though. I have been playing/ practicing the ukulele off and on. I have about 4 of them now. I also purchased/ adopted a cajón and small percussion instruments. My goal was to make music, get more instruments, and share what I’ve done. I was also wanting to be more technical so that I can know more of the software that I’m using. The most recent goal was to share it, and if folks liked them enough to maybe use them, we could negotiate something. Now, I just want to get moderately creative and still to it until I croak.

I needed motivation. Back then, I don’t know where it came from. I did things for fun, I had support, or I was trying to be like someone like J Dilla. What motivates me now? I want to finish what I started. There’s music I’m planning to dedicate to folks, and I don’t want to back out of it. There are stories I want to write. I’m currently open to say these things because back then my mind was on some other stuff that was either unnecessary or it should have been shut off.

I went to a gravesite to pay a visit because it was something I do every year, and it took too long to go this year. It was a moment, and I was inspired. Whatever weight I was carrying was released, or a good amount of it. I’m slow at being creative, but I’m back at it. What’s scary is that I don’t want to disappoint, but I’ll be disappointing myself if I don’t go through with it all. The first step may be saying to myself I don’t have to be perfect and I don’t need to quit if I don’t get it right the first time. So, music and writing will be more prominent if it’s willed and as I pray about it. If I don’t do it, who will? Time to go forward.

 

I’m just getting started.

BLM

NRTSU2

What Was I Dreaming?

A few months ago, I had a few dreams that had me react in a manner I don’t want to return to. The main dream I remember was the one where I saw friends from a distance from church walking somewhere with a hill. The look on their face had a reflective concern. They meet up with a person, a woman, who I met while in seminary. It was two parts of my life coming together without one knowing the other. Now, I believe a while later after the dream two friends of mine showed up to the mall where I worked, and one told me the other is getting married and I had to guess. I was in a congratulatory mood afterwards, but later I was feeling down because of how I was at the moment. I didn’t feel bad that the two was getting married. I was down because of what I didn’t do in the past. Most of the time, I didn’t say how I felt, and I didn’t take risks when it came to trying to date women. I felt like I missed out. How wrong I am.

The whole sequence of events was trippy. I wished I was in a better position according to my view, when it came to relationships, work, and education, whatever at my age. Was this an early stage of mid-life crisis? Nah. I was just down for a while plus there were a lot of things I didn’t close the chapter to. They happened to come up when the sequence of events happened. So, I thought about it all, tried to figure out why the dream came about, and did my best to make amends with myself.

Around one or two weeks later, I had another dream, and in it, a young woman was interacting with me, and I was annoyed by it. I asked her what she wanted, and she replied that she wanted to get to know me. I thought she was getting on my nerves, but it was just her way of getting to know me. And she looked like a woman I would have nothing to do with, we were on two different sides of the fence, we would most likely not be into the same things, she is not my type, I shouldn’t be hers, and I’m making a lot of excuses. I was very shallow, thinking I was better than the young woman in the dream and who she represents. After the dream, I did a bit of reflection, and I viewed it as expanding the horizon. When it comes to personality, I must be open to different types. I shouldn’t think anyone is superior/ inferior based on personality. And I’ve been told for ages that opposites attract, so I’ll take note of it. I have my reservations on a few things, but I think life would be boring if I was continuously around someone who had the same personality as I did. I’m thankful for the dreams and the experience(s) I had that opened up these lessons.

 

And I’m just getting started.

BLM

Something Small, 11/29/17.

Yesterday was the first time I’ve been in the gym in about 3-4 weeks. Two to three weeks ago, I was very sick, and the week before I thought I was focused on other things other than what I wanted to do. I was discouraged by a few situations, and my mind was in other places. And I messed up my voice two Saturdays ago, so I’m glad it’s almost returned. I couldn’t wait to get back to working out, too. When I did, I did two sets of various exercises because I ate two biscuits a while before, and it was still on/ sitting in my stomach. But I was happy to be back to working out. I want to lose some of my belly, and I wouldn’t mind definition in my arms. What I dread doing again is the cardiovascular exercises next week because I’m not a fan of them. My heart burns quickly when I run/ jog, so it will be useful to help my heart by doing cardiovascular exercises. Also, I want to get more confidence. I want to feel good about exercising and the results of it. I hope I can get more motivation, like seeing a nice woman walking by (wrong reason to get back to the gym :P). Also, my eating habits will have to change. I snacked too much.

And I’m just getting started.

BLM

Something Small, 10/31/17.

Last Sunday, I was at a gathering, and it was cool. The chili was real good, and I ate 4 bowls. I brought some cookies I baked the night before, and they were a mild hit. I brought 2 and a half bags, and they were eaten and saved for another day. A dude was talking to one of my friends, basically chopping it up. After their conversation ended, we talked a little. He asked if I did music. I said the I did, and I still do, but I prefer to be behind the scenes working the sound. How is it that he asked if I have an interest in music? Is it written in my aura?

It’s trippy to me whenever anyone senses a person’s interest. People with good reputation can point out something in a person, and it’s up to the person to follow up with it. I want to get back into baking beats (music), and I’m my worst prevention. I will have to cut out nearly everything, TV, internet, shopping, in order to focus on making a good beat. I made one last summer, and I was supposed to do a compilation. I lost motivation. I was inspired by a few people in the past, and I hope to return to that love of music and art again, and fight against what drains it out.

And I’m just getting started.

BLM

NRTSU2