Before I Forget, 1/23/22.

Before I forget to put this out, and if I did this already, I’m doing it again, I want to give a big thank you to DJ Premier. I remember hearing “Take It Personal” by Gang Starr on Rap City, and I liked their style a little bit. What stood out to me later was “Mass Appeal,” and this was before I knew Premier was making the beats. I enjoyed his production over the years, and although I missed his dustier sound, he is still one of my favorite producers in Hip Hop. Dj Premier is actually in the top 2. An album’s review increases one or more points/ stars/ mics whenever he has produced a song. Because of Dj Premier, I started liking Jay-Z a little, and this was before I found out he made the “D’Evils” beat (I was so behind on what he’s produced). I will need to make a top 10 DJ Premier beats and a top 10 artists who should collaborate with him (one has been pushed back). Although he’s from Texas, he has brought a sound in New York that has been inspiring. If he did a beat making school, I would sign up. So, to DJ Premier, I say thank you so much for your contributions to music and inspiring folks like me.

But for real, think about teaching a class.

BLM

These Shoes I’ve Been Getting, 12/18/21 (Originally10/17/21).

I have 3 pairs of Skechers, two pairs of Nikes, and 2 pairs of Hey Dude shoes. These Hey Dude shoes I have are cool, and both of them are Wally. One color is iron/ grey (linen), and the other Carbone/ dark grey (woven). Now I got them because I can’t afford the Clarks Wallabees right now. I’ll get some Wallabees when I’m booked for a comedy show.

And I’m just getting started.

BLM

Something (Not) Small, 12/1/21.

I recently heard about the deaths of several innocent victims in Michigan due to a teenager branding a gun. It is sad to hear about it, but I’m still in grieving over a friend I met in South Carolina who died of cancer last week (their husband was studying at the same school I was in when I was in seminary). They’ve been fighting it for years, and every time they posted a pick of their food, I was happy because to me it showed their endurance over the situation. It was said they passed away peacfully. I pray for their family, that they grieve as long as they need to, and that also goes for the families who lost their loved ones in Michigan.

BLM

Something Small, 11/23/21.

Last week, a verdict was made from a trial based on the Kenosha shooting that left two people dead. The jury found the defendant not guilty based on the thoughts that it was self-defense. After hearing about what happened prior the situation and during the trial, I was disappointed by what’s been going on. A 17-year-old was allowed to obtain an assault rifle possibly without parental observation. And if he was there to protect a business and provide aid, why have a weapon like a Smith & Wesson M&P15 on them? It was way too much, and I think it riled folks up.

Another thing about the defendant is that although he’s deemed not guilty, I don’t think he’ll be as free as the average American. It may be possibly that he can’t go around society in a normal fashion without a stigma. Possibly, he now has that weight on him where folks will be upset at his actions, and some may challenge him. He’s not seen as he was before. It’s similar to what happened to O.J. Simpson. He has to live a whole different life, now. Things won’t be the same.

I learned a few things from what happened at Kenosha and after the trial. I learned that if I am to protect myself, I won’t use anything as big as a Smith & Wesson M&P15. I believe that causes problems in the public and gives off unpleasant impressions. Also, if I’m not mentally prepared to use a firearm, I shouldn’t have it. If there comes a time when I need to use it, I need to embrace the effects of using a firearm and take responsibility of using my firearm. I also learned that just because I have a firearm, no matter the size, it doesn’t/ shouldn’t give me an increase of power, confidence, toughness, testosterone, or any of the like. Some of us think we’re “bad” when we hold a gun and we’re helpless without it. I also learned to keep away from situations where people want to incite trouble, like storming the capital. Stand up for injustice, yes, but not promote foolishness. Also, I live in a country where rights can be bent possibly for protection of individual, social, and/ or cultural images. As a follower of Messiah Jesus, I’ll do my best to live without illegal blame. As a Black man, I’ll uphold myself as a person while showing folks that we’re not all what evil propaganda says we are.

And I’m just getting started.

BLM

Something Small, 10/11/21.

I remember when I first started watching TV with closed captioning. It was fun, and it helped me out when people were talking and I couldn’t understand what they were saying, but the closed captioning could catch it. There was a song I was familiar with, though I didn’t like it like that, by Pete Rock & CL Smooth called “They Reminisce Over You (T.R.O.Y.).” I was happy to see the lyrics on the screen during the music video. At the end of the song, Pete Rock is doing the outro, and in the closed captioning it reads, “… Never be another, He was my brother, Trouble didn’t run.” I was disheveled because I know what it was supposed to read which was, “… Never be another He was my brother Trouble T-Roy.” I feel like whoever was responsible for putting up the lyrics should have confirmed with the artists that they were the right lyrics.

And I’m just getting started.

BLM

I Don’t Trust People (Slick People), 9/26/21.

One Sunday afternoon, I was coming out of a store and I saw that a dude wanted to approach me to help him. I did an L-shaped move to make believe I was going somewhere else. Eventually, he looked for me. He was on a hunt. As he got my attention, I closed my door so it was just me and him. He said he and his lady who was in a wheelchair and stung by a bee needed a ride to a store. I had a lot of junk in my car, and it would have taken a long time to move everything to give them room to ride in. I couldn’t help them. I would have called a cab for them or directed them to the bus stop, as he could have rolled her to the bus stop. They eventually got a ride.

  • I went home and I told my mother about what happened, and she gave me a look like I did something wrong. She said I need to be careful, and I told her I didn’t give them a ride, though she thinks I would have. I reminded her of how she gave a foreigner a ride a while after she admonished me for giving a person a ride, and she said that has nothing to do with what just happened. She says I’m naïve and nice, and I don’t want to be nice. I’m hurt by the fact that I’m assumed to be exploited by people, and she says that she gives off some vibe that folks don’t want to approach her for help (now I’m paraphrasing here). I pointed out that her children are still treated like we’re 12 and we’re over 30 years old. Later, she says that she’s losing energy to walk, and what we would do when she’s no longer able to get up and work. I said we’ll move to the projects, and she’s was wondering how will we able to get into the projects. I said by leaving the house, and as she asks if we’ll just leave her homeless, I said yes. She thinks we’re unable to make it out there on our own, like we’re mentally challenged in getting our own place, paying our bills, and dealing with people.

At this point, I’m upset. I can’t trust people if people want to take advantage of me and for me to just let it happen. There are slick people out there, and there have been people who have used me/ exploited me in the past, but they’re not in my life anymore, and they should be blessed that they’re not. I’m not one to do the eye for eye-and-tooth-for-tooth, but I have thought about it. If I can’t trust folks out there, why deal with folks. I might as well remove myself from social media, all social activities, and end all friendships. I should have made a list of everyone who has wronged me, family and others, and let them know of the bull-crap that they did and how it messed up my perception of them and how I don’t feel good when I’m around them. It’s like I shouldn’t forgive them until I exact vengeance. And those folks who needed a ride, I would have helped them, but something was off, and I didn’t feel right to help folks I don’t know and who somehow got to one store and needed a ride to another in addition to their circumstances. The guy was looking for me (and folks like me), so that was a red flag. I feel bad that I could help, but I’m glad I didn’t.

As far as my mother, I understand that she doesn’t want anything bad to happen to her children, but we’re adults. Messed up things are going to happen to us! There are people who want to exploit us for their gain and for our loss! Why not educate us about those folks? Why not wait until it happens to possibly admonish us? Why not train us to be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves? Why not build us up to be responsible men who takes care of their family and residence? I’m hearing things as if we’re gullible, naïve, helpless, and sluggards. I really would leave to home and get my own just to keep away from the moments when she says those things, and she doesn’t say those things often. I do know that she really misses us when we’re away, so I feel like some of the comments are bull-crap. If we’re lacking in development, why not help us? Why not build us up so that we can be upstanding, responsible people, unless it’s being held back.

Where is Jesus in all of this? What’s the prayer I need to lift up so that we can be delivered from the roadblocks and barriers? I have come a long way from where I was. I’m glad I don’t see some people from my past because their actions were exploitive, and I could have said something that would cut their soul. Yes, I am naïve and gullible, but who isn’t? I don’t want to live a life where it all about watching out for people who want to use me. I would have died when I was 13 if I did that. The best thing for me to do is ask the Lord what I should do about this ordeal. I love my mom and everything, but I feel she’s holding stuff from us. I may have a disorder or something. Because things like this takes me aback, I don’t know how to deal with them. Because of this, I don’t want to be bothered by folks for a year, but I need to deal with mess like these. Maybe, I’ll become more shrewd yet kind and peaceful. I don’t want to be mean like my mother, but I don’t want folks to ask me for suspicious help either, so there must be some lessons/ training I can learn for situations like these.

The messed up part is that I sense that I’m going to get cancelled for sharing about what my mother said, but okay. She’s going to try to get me to talk to her later. I really do need to honor her. I hope she knows that we need to blossom, and we need help to do so. No excuses, right?

And I’m just getting started.

BLM

Something Small, 9/12/21.

A while ago, a YouTuber caught some flack and has been threatened to be “cancelled” over some situations. I don’t know what for exactly. I typed the person’s profile name and “cancelled” on the YouTube search and found several videos. I saw one video were a dude went in on the situation. It seemed like he and the comment section was saying the accused YouTuber wouldn’t get any ladies if it weren’t for his popularity or the money he earned because of the way he looks, and he didn’t know how to pull the ladies he’s attracting now before the fame, things like that.

I got the vibe that the accused Youtuber was labeled as a nerd, a geek, a lame, etc., and it’s like some things are out of his lane (a good portion of YouTube videos that spill the tea on other YouTubers do it to gain views). It’s like the attractive ladies, the “dime pieces,” the hot ladies, the bad b***** are for the “bosses,” the “cool” dudes, the “real ones,” the alpha males, the high value males, ballers, folks like that. Both of these dudes are younger than be by over 10 years, and I wonder how many dudes think this way. After the “cool” dudes get their ladies, what’s left for the “nerds?” What’s the pursuit of a relationship mean to them, or is it about the intercourse? Is it about who they can “wife,” the most attractive lady they can pull, or how many ladies they can get? And what makes some of these dudes experts in their mid 20s, and will their views change in their 30s, 50s, and 70s? Is it about being “fly” from youth to adulthood, or is it about getting money/ a good body/ fame? Is it that psychologically troubled?

The dude who made the video about the accused YouTuber seemed a bit conceited, self-centered, and some closeted insecurity, based on how he compared the accused YouTuber to himself, and I will be 100% wrong. Things like this encourages me to obtain humility, kindness, compassion, things that will hopefully uplift folks and keep myself away from putting me on a pedestal. I can get the money, power, body, fame, and the ladies, but I don’t think it will solve all of my issues. Some folks get that stuff and still feel lonely. How about being debt free, getting healthy, and living in peace? I’m for that.

And I’m just getting started.

BLM

Something For My Brother, 8/25/21.

I was his villain for a while. I would pick on him after I came home from school, and I tried to live like an only son. I was jacked up. He got on my nerves back then, and I get on his nerves now. He taught me a lot. For one, I learned to go by people’s characters. My brother has a neurodevelopmental disorder, and he treats folks a lot better than a lot of “normal” folks. He’s organized, does his job, likes what he likes, and keeps a routine. Some of us can’t even keep a job for 5 minutes, and he has for over 5 years.

Showing love to him is tough for me because I’ve been selfish. He has played a major roll in my maturity. Currently, I’ve been trying to beat him in giving the most sentimental gifts, and he’s winning. He know I like Legos, and I know what he likes. Let me get an autograph, and I win for life. I know that’s not necessarily a part of being a big brother, but it’s fun to do. I would like to spend a good amount of time in my life to make sure he’s good before it’s time for me to go. I hope he has a great relationship with Jesus, better than mine, so that means I have to be a good example.

My flesh had me being selfish. My new spirit has me more compassionate. As a big brother, I’m obligated to act silly in order to aggravate him every now and then, but it’s all out of love. I hope he knows it’s not to mock him., but to show my/ our humanity. Now, I need to make sure he’s not growing locs because I have them, the taller-than-me copycat.

BLM

Before I Turn, 7/20/21.

  • Because of slavery, I don’t think Black people receive respect like the rest of the world. Maybe because our ancestors didn’t fight back like how we imagine to respond to that oppression. Maybe because our ancestors survived and fought for freedom. It’s like the world looks down on us because our ancestors were slaves and didn’t respond with payback. I find it twisted if the world respects those who are able to oppress another people group, but that’s the world. Black Americans have endured and continue to endure and inspire and influence the world, even if we don’t get the recognition.
  • I feel like Black Americans have it hard because it feels like we have to fight to be “normal.” I think the world is upset because we’re not slaves. And slavery still exists, but even with the technological advancement we have, the world still wants that chattel slavery that existed before the 20th century. We’re telling the world “We don’t like being mistreated,” but it’s met with resistance, and some of us are tired of fighting, but we’re still fighting.
  • I say “normal” because I feel like that’s what the world is. I feel I have to be spectacular in order to get normal things like jobs and relationships. If I were to apply for an editor position, I would have to be “more” more qualified than non-Black applicants. I can’t just stand out. I have to have extra credentials, experience, and degrees in order to get a position that may not pay around $30,000 a year. And if a lady, possibly non-Black, saw me and a dude who’s Taiwanese, and I have a notch more qualities than the Taiwanese (and a bit more handsome), the Taiwanese is getting chosen. I would have to be spectacular just to be equal.
  • In my insane head, to be “normal” is to embody self-respect, knowing my potential and taking action with it, honorably breaking the glass ceiling. Being “normal” doesn’t have a sit down with the children about experiencing a world who has an issue with their skin color. I believe racism will still exist until Jesus comes back, but we don’t have to continuously take the mistreatment. Until then, we have to be spectacular in dealing with the mistreatment.
  • I am upset with America because it wants to devalue Black people so that they don’t get out of the slave mentality and realize their true potential. After #StopAsianHate, an act by the United States that prohibits harm towards Asians and Asian-Americans was made (COVID-19 Hate Crimes Act, yet I may be wrong), yet I don’t think they want to make the same type of act for Black-Americans and Africans because I think the United States holds on to slavery. I’m still finding out what our ancestors contributed to, yet the credit goes missing, possibly due to pride or jealousy or wanting to keep it hidden for fear of being convicted. We can continue to shout #BlackLivesMatter, and it goes against old thinking, and if the old thinking demands respect without treating others the same, I find it adolescent and stiff-necked.
  • I have heard the saying that we, Black people, come from kings and queens. I find it troublesome that we don’t treat ourselves that way. If we come from royalty, why not carry ourselves like royalty or treat each other like royalty?
  • I want to be international, able to communicate to anyone of a different ethnicity, but I can find resistance. Some, Black and not Black, would want me to stay within my own group, yet I find some in the Black community not accepting me because I’m not their clone, not “cool” like them, not behaving in an acceptable matter. It’s sometimes like White, Asian, Hispanic and others can get together and have a good time, but Black people has to have a good time on their own. I would warn the others if they want to “borrow” from our culture, they have to include us, too. If not, the traffic light reads red.
  • I feel the United States want Black Americans to only have jobs in the food industry, janitorial, and manufacturing. A friend of mine knew I was looking for a job, and I was cleaning hospital rooms at the time. He set me up to work as a cashier. They knew I have a Bachelor’s degree, yet it’s overlooked. Some can have Master’s degrees, yet still be encouraged to work for Taco Bell.

With everything I said, thoughts and all, I could be wrong, but at the time these things were flowing through my head, and I hope we as people grow away from the poisons and kills societal growth.

And I’m just getting started.

BLM

Something Small, 7/17/21.

This week, I was reading an article during a lunch break. It was about a country singer posting a picture of herself in a bikini after receiving comments about her body (weight). Before posting the picture, it was said that she made a tearful video about the body shamming comments that were made. From the picture that was posted, I don’t see a problem.
I have a problem with fans who possibly call themselves fans yet make comments like, “You’re fat,” or, “You’re ugly.” I don’t see the link. If the criticism was constructive like, “I saw your pictures from the red carpet. Your fashion sense is getting better. Keep up the good work,” I would respect it, or if the criticism is to encourage them to improve on their well being, then I would find it helpful.
With the body shamming, the folks who make them are anonymous, unable to see a full view of what they look like. It’s not like they’re bodybuilders or anything. They’re not in a position to have the spotlight on them, and if there are some spotlights some of them may curl up in a corner if a fraction of a comment is made of them. Some folks make harsh comments about others, yet they don’t look themselves in the mirror and catch their flaws.
I have learned/ am learning that it’s not okay to shame body types, especially when I wouldn’t want folks to do that to me. We aren’t able to choose the body type we want (we don’t come out of the womb learning to speak with a 30-year-old mind), but it’s possible to keep it in good maintenance. I’m less concerned with the body type and more about the heart health and cholesterol levels. I had/ still may have a higher cholesterol level, yet I took steps to change that for my health. If the folks want to body shame others, why not in the same vain give them their health regiment? Possibly because they don’t have one, and they make comments to make them feel good. Twisted, right?
Obesity in America is a problem, so much so that clothing now days are more stretchy than years before. I wouldn’t want to be one of the people who criticized others on their weight problems, putting them down which may lead them to eating. I’m sometimes around folks who have more weight on them than their body can handle, and it can be a health problem. I do comedy, and may do a joke on weight, but I’ll bring it back to me because I’m in the fat category. Why not take action to get healthy and encourage others to join in the process?
Again, the lady in question didn’t look bad. Over the years, I’ve grown to appreciate various female body types. What they don’t like on them, a man would appreciate. One lady may say, “I don’t like my wide thighs.” Meanwhile, the man she’s been with for over 3 years is still with her, complimenting her regularly including her body. Some ladies are plus sized and look fine, with some areas more accentuated, and can be hollered at by many of dudes. And here’s the jacked up thing: some dudes have plus-sized girlfriends, yet make comments on celebrities’ weight. Am I missing something?
To add salt on their wounds, the country singer is married to a former football athlete and has three children. If her dude likes her and likes her plenty of times during the day, that’s all that matters.

And I’m just getting started.
BLM