A few weeks ago, a person who worked for Eastern Kentucky University passed away. It was sad, because she was a cool person with a bright personality. Her funeral was a while ago, and I knew of a few people going. The following week, I asked my friend who was at the funeral, and he replied, saying they shut the campus down and said who was there. I responded to one of the persons being there because it was a long drive for him from where he was. My friend said he’s still in town, and I could catch him, but I said, “I’m good.” Later on, I reflected on what I said, and my friend caught me being ugly. I told him about it later on, saying that the person should be around those who he is more acquainted with.
I denied catching up with this person because we were going different directions, even though we are into creating things with English. I was about putting it on paper, and getting it out by reading it (aloud) or letting people read it, like with WordPress. I felt discouraged because he was telling me about spoken word, and how people go up onstage without something to read from. I could have went with it and done the spoken word process, but I wasn’t thinking like that at the time. I could have also freestyled something to make a statement, but it would have been for selfish gain.
What is more important to me than that mess is maintaining a good friendship, a positive connection. There were times where I felt some connections were iffy, but I was passive (:P), so I didn’t do anything about it. Now, I don’t want to work with anyone until I have a good connection with them. I think connections that are not so brings about enemies. I may be dragging this, but we need to consider bad business deals as examples.
I didn’t go to God about the whole thing, which was a big mistake. If I didn’t feel right about something, I should go to Him first, and He may grant me a lesson about the whole thing. I want to do that now. I want Him to teach me how to be wise, how to reconcile, and how to maintain it all because I can’t, and will not, do it by myself.
I will apologize to the people I had bad vibes towards. There were plenty, and there were times were I felt validated to have those vibes. It doesn’t do anything, and it gives me heartburn. Life is too valuable to have bad feelings towards others, and it messes up the day. For example, there are instances where I was driving, and I was thinking harsh stuff about some people, whoever made me angry. But when I drove past the Shriners Hospitals for Children, trying to go around 35mph, I would do my best to cease what I was thinking, because life it short. Forgiving people is a great thing, and it lifts weights off of the soul.
If I see this person, and anyone else that I have mixed feelings about, I may walk up to their face with an attitude and apologize for my actions. It may weird them out, but I don’t care. I rather set an example of how to walk with the Lord. This may be a weird start, but I know I can no longer hold mixed feelings. So, to my friend who caught me having an ugly moment, thank you. And to everyone else, I’m anticipating the encounter(s).
And I’m just getting started.