In July, I took a social (and emotional) break. This happened because I saw something and I misinterpreted it, making a conclusion out of the situation. This caused me to shut down, and I went from sad to bitter. During that process, I needed to release a few things, and I’m glad I did. There were some folks who wanted to know of my whereabouts, but I answered in short phrases. At times, I was sitting somewhere and I did not say a word. I didn’t want have what I was dealing with spill out on them because they were innocent. It was ignorant of me to try to cure it on my own, so I stopped trying it.
I was able to tone down my emotions a while later. During a Bible study, the topic came to curses, as what we were reading told about a king in the book of Numbers who wanted a diviner to curse the people who were coming. I thought about whom I cursed and who cursed me and it could have been something minor, yet it left something. It was very insightful. During that weekend, I was working, and I prayed about those curses, and a weight was lifted off of me. Emotionally, I was better. I was more thankful. The bitterness I was holding to was gone, at least a big chunk of it. It was wrong to hold on to it in the first place, something I picked up when I was young. There were messages on a Christian radio station that were blending in what I was going through, and I wished I remembered them to get them on MP3.
I started to “get back into the fold,” but I took on a new persona, similar to how I was in the past. I didn’t speak much. I was more interactive with folks who seemed to have a welcoming spirit. I was never into being isolated all of the time, being seen and not heard, and having nothing to bring to the table. Even though I’m quiet, I want to break those things, remove the elephants in the room.
My “hibernation” was very much needed, but there may be folks who don’t understand why. Some social butterflies may fly around wondering why some want to keep to themselves for a while. To those butterflies: we need to “hibernate” in order to recharge before stepping back into the public. If we don’t take a bit of isolation, we may become monsters and the fearful may call the military to take us down. And I said this before in a previous post. I recall how I behaved in the past, when I was snappy, and it didn’t help the situation. Nothing was healed until I dealt with the problem. I want to apply this in more areas of my life.
As I was getting “back into the fold,” I received a text asking me to do percussion for an event. I accepted, and it had lead to doing more percussion. I do it because I’m asked, and if I wasn’t I would be off somewhere in space, even though I’m that way when I play. I’m still growing up and growing out of the bitterness (a lot of junk comes onto people every day and folks must learn to deal with them). Eventually, I’ll take baby steps into releasing elephants in the room.
And I’m just getting started.