For the longest time, I’ve been in fear of people. If I do or say something that they don’t like, I feel like there will me repercussions (that has to stop). It seems like people want to be in control, and I felt that folks wanted to be in control of what I did in some areas. Crazy, right? I’m getting the mindset as if I’m stripping the control if there was any. I’m doing it for my mind’s sake, like I’m saying, “I’m taking this back and giving it to God.” Really, I want to have self-control, take more responsibility and not look for people when it comes to big choices.
- Last week, my supervisor told me what the higher ups said I wasn’t doing, in which angered me because I thought it was a lie. I do my work thoroughly (as a janitor), even though I’m slow, and I make sure things are cool. This week, they came to my floor, and I showed them what I did, and I said that when I heard about what was said I didn’t believe it. I’m surprised I wasn’t fired. I don’t like being lied to, or folks lying about what I’m doing/ not doing, who I am or who I’m not. This is the same job I strongly believe I mother likes more than my previous job, yet new nonsense is coming every week with this job.
- Some folks have been telling me they’re missing me and they saw me really once a week. So later on I thought, “Only on (insert day here)? Can they see me on any other day?” I have thought that we can catch each other at another time since I’m not available like I used to be. Set something up and make it happen.
- My writing project is on hiatus, but it’s not forgotten. I have thought about the story while working.
- I believe this year’s election run is a joke. I see two candidates who I feel don’t care about helping our country, U.S.A, and is more concerned about being in that position and/ or power. One of them I believe has been striving to be in that political position, doing whatever it takes, while the other may look at it as position of power to attain, possibly without the needed knowledge and wisdom for government. And the folks who seem like they can make a difference are being pushed away.
- I’m still learning on my attitude and how to mature away from being negative when things don’t go my way. It’s tough to do, especially in situation that don’t make sense.
- After Phife Dawg passed away, I saw all the love he got. It’s like they can make blankets with it and comfort folks in need. I know that folks are enjoying what rappers are about currently, but I’m seeing how Phife’s work is outlasting the trends and phases.
And I’m just getting started.