Something Small, 5/8/16.

  • I didn’t want to be a leader. I didn’t want to lead because of the past, how folks naturally delegated who would be the leader and how folks boldly asserted themselves as leader, even if they were not leading in a proper way. I wanted to live a life depending on a few people, and not really helping others since that left a bad taste in my life. So, when I became a leader in some areas, like teaching a Sunday school or leading a youth group in worship songs, I couldn’t believe it, but I enjoyed it. There will be times when people like me will have to step up to the plate of leadership. If not people like me, then who? A leader’s heart must be in the right place, one that helps others and creates a chain reaction. I don’t think a narcissist leader is a good fit.
  • A few posts ago, I mentioned that folks who say they miss me should see me at another time besides the one particular time. I think they saw what I wrote, because I was invited to a birthday party later on. There, a person asked me why I wasn’t talking. And I said after obviously chewing I was eating. I think they wanted me to be talkative since I haven’t been around, but they also know that I don’t speak much. I should have asked, “What do you want me to say?”
  • I got back into writing my story. I’m only editing right now, and I do it whenever I have the time and feeling. I went back to change the wording and rating. I was using adult-like language, but censoring it so that it’s like PG-13 (I would put in d**n instead of the actual word). I thought about the audience I wanted to reach, and some children may look at it, so I want it to be safe for them to read, although the content may be something to discuss with parents.
  • I have an assuming side in me, and here it goes: There may have been times where I was getting to know a young woman, and in the course there would be the friend on the side, and they come out of nowhere. I would think they would be in the young woman’s ear, and it affects the connection with me and the young woman, and it’s not in my favor sometimes, depending on the situation. I will be wrong on this.
  • I will be looking for a new job. I think my time as a janitor is up based on 3 things: 1. Things come up missing from my cart (an on-going thing. I bought 2 spray bottles to use for myself), 2. The higher ups (managers and such) have lied about my work performance, 3. People have left since I joined, including my former supervisor. If I’m next, I will try to gracefully bow out.
  • Mother’s Day season is here. My mother has been to so much, and although we don’t always see things the same way, I understand that she’s stronger than folks think, what I think, and what she thinks. It’s crazy that my brother bought the card this year. I’ll buy the rest, like flowers and some cookies. I pray that she prospers more and that things work more in her favor.


And I’m just getting started.




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