A Skin Deep Story of Mine.

I’m going to share 2 pictures…

These are pictures of my arms, in the bend. If people can see, there are spots, blackheads, what used to be blackheads, and possible bumps. A long time ago, I was breaking out with eczema on my arms. It started back in 2012 while working at an Amazon warehouse. The side of my elbow(s) were itching, and I thought nothing of it. Later on in life, the itching came back and it got worse. I went to the clinic and they gave me some ointment, and it worked for a while by suppressing the itch, but it didn’t take it out. The doctor may have attributed it to my health. As it got worse and little bumps were showing up, I was using the ointment, a Eucerin lotion, and occasional Neosporin.

There was a moment where I couldn’t take the itching anymore. I was going to go to a demonologist, and I called a clinic, yet it didn’t take my healthcare, so I backed out so that I could look for somewhere else. At the same time, I thought about why I had eczema, not physically but beyond that. There were things I bottled up and didn’t deal with, so I thin it manifested into my skin condition. So, I had a little talk with the Lord, something that I still do and must do more of, and one evening I went to the store to look for something for me skin. There was a small selection for eczema, and I found a special Neosporin for eczema. I went home to try it, and it reduced the itching, which was something I wanted. The redness and the visible appearance later went down.

I was very thankful that the eczema went down, yet the bumps still existed. They didn’t itch, and I wasn’t insecure about the bumps. If I had a choice between having eczema or having bumps on my arms, I’m choosing the bumps. Now, I have the marks. The bumps don’t exist, and keep tabs on my skin, trying to use the Neosporin every day. I forget sometimes because my mind is on too much stuff, but I continue to use it.

As I said before, I rather have the bumps over eczema, and I wasn’t self-conscious about the marks on my arm, no insecurities there. I had insecurities in other areas that had nothing to do with my skin. I wasn’t confident in myself in different areas like friendships, work and earning power, image, and love. I think some of it manifested into things like eczema, as I said before. The biggest thing that helped me was dealing with my problems. The world may say one thing or more about what it takes to be accepted into the world, and it may not be a good thing. I would have ended up like the Frankenstein monster. I had to have conversations with the Lord and myself so that I can know who I am (sounds crazy right, :P). I’m still on that path, and it will be ongoing. I’m joyful to know that there’s healing when I stop covering up the problems and bring them forward. I was ashamed of myself, and that was a mistake. I was comparing myself to others, and that was a big mistake. I’m glad I took out the biggest mistake in my opinion, holding problems in.

It is late, and I’m going to go off of the topic to say happy new year, and I pray and hope that everyone who is driving is safe, and that they pay attention to the road and make wise driving decisions. Also, I pray for people who are dealing with problems that manifests into something beyond comprehension to be healed, inside and out. Take care of yourselves and keep progressing.

 

And I’m just getting started.

NRTSU2

What’s Done is Done

There have been and there are people who I don’t like. My reasons for not liking them can be childish, or I would think I am in the right to feel that way, or they could have done something that I didn’t like. How I handle it may determine how mature I am. I think I have shared this before somewhere else, but it’s worth repeating.

There was a person who I was cool with a few years ago. He had a calm personality, ready to say hello to me and have a talk. A few years along the line, I bump into him on a campus along with his friend one day. His friend was talking to me, and my friend says something in another language, his native language, and really didn’t say anything to me. This happened again. Later on in life as I was walking somewhere, he sees me from a distance and he says hello, and I throw up a peace sign. I don’t say anything, and I didn’t for a while. One evening, he and his friend, who became my friend (he was also calm and polite), crossed paths on the stairs. The friend and I say hello, but as I was going to the top of the stairs I was stopped by my friend to say hello, and I responded. I wasn’t trying to hear anything since he began speaking another language instead of speaking to me, as I thought. We would officially have our last conversation after a meeting. Later on, we lose communication.

I feel I lost a friend over bull-crap… even worse… diarrhea from a skunk… or worse than that… diarrhea from Hitler (I may use this later). I would think it’s over a side that he chose, as there was some new developments going on, and my involvement in what was going on was void. I think those developments got in the way of the friendship, and because of that I didn’t want to be cool with him, or anyone else in that matter. I hope that’s not the case. What’s done is done, right?

I didn’t forgive him. I should have forgiven him a while back, but I was childish, then. I should have talked with him to see what was happening in our lives and get an understanding before losing a friendship altogether. Now, I will forgive him, and one day I’ll say this to him, and apologize because I didn’t like him for how things went down.

I say this in hopes that people learn about forgiveness. People will experience things like misunderstandings and betrayal and other things where friendships are lost along the way. It could leave a person bitter, cynical, and unable to trust if they allow it to happen. I think… I believe forgiveness is important, not just for the receiver(s) of forgiveness, but for the forgiver. They will lose the bitterness, the cynicism, and the untrustworthiness if they are willing. I recommend praying (some will disagree). I highly don’t recommend harboring bitterness in or the hardening of the heart because I believe there are physical side effects. And I hope people like me are able to heal, mature, love, gain wisdom, and have respect for their selves so that they can treat people the way they treat themselves and maturely handle situations with others that are upsetting.

NRTSU2

The Things That Happened To Me the Week before Thanksgiving, 2014.

On a 2014 Wednesday in November, I was working, delivering food. That evening, I delivered to a house. It was hard to see the address, and I had to drive around the neighborhood to find the address number. I finally see the destination, and I deliver the food. After doing so, a woman approaches me, walking on the front lawn, asking me if I knew where I was. I told her what I was doing, and I asked her if I was blocking her way, since I was in the driveway. She replied that I wasn’t, so what she was doing was questionable. She was on someone else’s lawn asking me about what I was doing. She told me that there where people driving slowly around their neighborhood and something about burglary or suspicion of burglars in their neighborhood. I suggested that they have a neighborhood watch and something else. As I was leaving, she along with an SUV that was out of the driveway across the street was having a conversation on the side people exit from, and I wanted to leave that area. I was about to give them cards to the church I go to.

That Friday, I was coming home from an event at church. As I was turning into my neighborhood, I see police lights flashing, and I pull over. The police officer does his procedures, asking me why I was stopped, which I was uncertain of. He said I didn’t use my turning signal. As the procedures continue, he notices my little bat in between my seat and the door. He asks why I have the bat, and I said it was for protection in my unexpected way. He asks if I was in a gang, which I said no. He goes back to his car and checks my license and things. He comes back, and I ask for clarity of why I was being pulled over, and I ask him if I need to get rid of the bat, which I didn’t have to. After he drives off, I drive off.

The first thing I want to say about the first situation is that the woman who approached me walked onto property that wasn’t hers. I would have thought it was her house by the way she was moving, but it wasn’t, so unless it was her property, I don’t think she had the right to do so. Another thing I want to say about it was that whatever was happening between me and the residence of the house was of our concern. She had no authority whatsoever to know what was going on. The woman was curious in an area she really wasn’t a part of. And since she mentioned her concerned of burglary in that area, I would highly suggest that she check her family first before thinking it could be people not living in that neighborhood. It’s possible that she won’t consider her own family stealing things. I didn’t know this area existed until I delivered from here, and some of their residence didn’t have a good visual house number, hence the reason why I was driving slowly. Drivers need to make sure they are at the right place, s we don’t just rush into where we need to go. I don’t rule out discrimination, whether by color or class. I would think that she saw a person like me, someone she wouldn’t think of interacting with, and assume I would do things like burglary. I know who I am, and because I wasn’t brought up to do such things, but it is possible her eyes doesn’t see that.

The first thing I want to say about the second situation is that I believe more than 50% of the people going into my neighborhood don’t use the turning signal, including the police. I thought it was a weird reason to pull me over. Another thing I want to say is that out of all the things in my car, he notices a bat which was in between my seat and the door. I had a lot of stuff in the passenger seat, including a Bible, but the bat was a focal point. And since it was a focal point, he asked if I was in a gang. That was weird to me, because I don’t see gang-affiliated people, and if I did I don’t think they would be carrying little bats. I believe he was looking for drugs, and for me not to use the turning signal gave him a reason to pull me over.

When I think of those situations, I find it weird that these things happened all in one week. There may be people who experience these things every week. There are places in Kentucky, Florida, Maryland, Missouri, and other states where people fear others in their place of residence and visitation because of the skin color, class, or something else that was taught. I do believe these things were taught, and it’s started off at a young age. I don’t know why some of us can’t look past the physical appearance when some of the biggest crimes in America were done by people on the inside who people favored and/ or respected. Meanwhile, some look at Black men as dangerous, and that’s not the case. It is dangerous men who are dangerous. It’s a matter of who the media highlights. I even was told by a person how his parents, before he came to the states, told him not to trust Black people based off of how we were portrayed, which turned out to be misunderstood.

That week wasn’t completely messed up. Before I was pulled over, I was in church at a dinner for the international students who are experiencing Thanksgiving, possibly for the first time. Before the dinner, I was talking to some folks from Mexico who was in an English-based program at the University of Kentucky. Some even took pictures with me. It may have been their first time interacting with a Black person. And if I’m to be one of the representations, I pray to be a blessed one.

And I’m just getting started.

BLM

NRTSU