Something Small, 3/12/17.

Last week, a new coworker told me that they had a disagreement with another coworker. This is the same new coworker who the 2 coworkers didn’t like because they were new and adjusting to the pace. So, to fast forward, the new coworker and the old coworker had a disagreement when I wasn’t there, and it came up because the new coworker was asked to help them, and they refused the help all because of what happened a few days ago. I told the new coworker to let things pass through, let it go, forgive themselves and others, and that those things happen, so they will have to deal with them in a mature way. I said those things because it happened to me, and I want them to deal with it better than me. If they do, they may turn out better than I. What’s crazy is that I think the other coworker’s spouse heard what I was saying. If they did, they did. They could tell their spouse what I said, because it was truthful. I didn’t want to explain what I did as far as prayer, but I mentioned it. Disagreements, arguments, and fights will happen, but it’s how we handle them. I hope we all process them in a mature manner, release the anger without physical and emotional damage, and grow up. I need to make money, and others’ frustrations won’t help me make money, and others may feel the same way.

 

And I’m just getting started.

BLM

NRTSU2

Last Year in Review.

Last year was… an experience. There were a lot of things that happened that changed the course of my life, and I will do my best to recap them. Let’s go.

  • Employment- I had to change employment 2 times last year because I had to leave my other job, not because I wanted to. I did two things I thought I wouldn’t do: do janitorial work and work a cashier. I currently like the job I have, better than the last one, but I would like to get something that boosts my financial situation.
  • Relationships- I had to think of myself as a villain based on how I treated others sometimes. I wanted to take a break from some social activities because of how I felt. I got that break, but after that I realized some folks wanted me around. They want my company. I was selfish in my actions, and that selfishness hindered growth. I have to have a personal conversation with myself a few times over that, and I still do. Perhaps wanting to break away out of unprocessed emotions is an old demon, so I must have it taken out. One thing I’m learning from last year is to be there and be like, “What’s going on? Let’s deal with it.” I’m easing out of the timid mess. I have to be open to being a friend, a listener, and to make new friends.
  • Politics- I don’t claim a party, not right now. I haven’t been doing my job of praying for Christian leaders. And now, I need to pray for my country to wake up. A lot to things go on in the country that people aren’t aware of, maybe because they’re not in front news, or maybe because they don’t care. I may get the “This is not my America,” or “I didn’t vote for this,” or “We’re better off without..,” but the country I live in is made up of a lot of things, and trying to graft them out may be a mistake, whether it’s culture of people groups. I think my country has lost some respect, and I think it’s going to take a lot of prayer to get new respect.
  • Spirituality- It was a blessing to be consistent in reading the Bible. I learned a bit from the books even though some of the things I read were challenging. I said to myself next year I wanted to add one more book since I was reading three, and I was preparing myself for it. I was also blessed to have prayers answered, like being delivered from anxiety. I completely forgot about it for months until now, and I remembered thanking God during my former second shift for the deliverance. I also thanked God for helping me get rid of my tonsil stones. I realized that if God said “no” to a prayer request, I was okay with it because He was talking to me. Most of my conversations with Him were while driving the car.

This year, I want it to be an upgrade. My goals are continuing from last year with a few additions: get swimming lessons, continue to read the Bible, become debt free, increase the quality in employment based on my qualities/ experience, get in a relationship, become selfless, become more kind instead of nice, get wiser, become consistent with blogging, regain my love/ interest in music/ art, and be more open to myself and folks around me.

It’s time to get uncomfortable.

And I’m just getting started.

BLM

Something Small, 3/3/17.

  • A few days ago, on my way to church, I ran over a squirrel. I don’t care much about running over other animals, like a gopher or a groundhog (whatever got into my little garden), but it was a squirrel. And I saw how it moved, and it could have not gotten hit. I felt real bad. I asked the Lord to forgive me, and I thought, “How could I ask for forgiveness when I can’t forgive others?” I was being reeducated about forgiveness, and I’m blessed for it.
  • I don’t like how customers “lie” where I work. I placed lie in parenthesis because they may not be. They’ll say one order where I am, and say another thing on the other side. I do forget to include things sometimes, some forget to include what they wanted, and while others think I missed something. One “lie” got to me last weekend, but they happen.
  • A few new people were hired at my job recently. One left, and the other is still there. A few of the coworkers has some hostility towards that person, wanting them to do work. What’s crazy is that it is within the same people group, so they can use their familiar language. I talk to the person, who wants people not to dislike them, saying to not worry about it. I look at it from various angles: the person must focus while working, be inquisitive, not worry, be able to work while talking, and have a “what’s next to do” ethic, but that’s my opinion and suggestion. The person is young, like legal adult in high school young, so they have a lot to learn while going to school, trade school, and having a job. What I don’t get is the hostility. I understand that they want the person to work, but the person doesn’t have the work mentality they have. Why not become an encourager instead of using brash, imperative statements? I understand where the young person is coming from a little, where people outside of managers won’t be the encourager and instead make statements about the work ability, so I’m more like, “be yourself, and step your game up, and work smart/ hard.” I recall helping one of the other coworkers on the line when they started, so they should be one of the last ones to complain. If any person is expressing a will and humility to work, we should be a help so that they can be one of the hardest workers in this country. They could be one of the few who could get this country out of debt.

 

And I’m just getting started.

BLM

NRTSU2

Not Right Now.

My father wants to be a grandfather. He has mentioned it before, but it was seriously suggested last year. A few other relatives, including my mother, has mentioned it, but the suggestion died out. The relationship between my father and I is distant. We haven’t really kept in touch since the late 90s. He wants to be a grandfather because he’s getting old, in his mid 50s.

I haven’t strongly responded to his request because my response would be too sharp. I don’t want to be a father, not yet. I don’t have the finances, the maturity, or training, the patience, and the wife to be a father. Before becoming a father, I have to become a husband first, I think. I strongly believe it would be a mistake to father a child without being married, and I’m far from being in a relationship.

It would be crazy if I agreed with his request and fathered a child with someone I don’t care about. It is most likely there were folks who have done that. They just wanted to be a parent to a child for their own reason. On a court show, a young man testified that he wanted to father a child because he didn’t know how long he was going to be alive due to the situations he was in. What would I tell people? Saying, “I wanted to be a father because my father wanted a grandson/ granddaughter.” I don’t know. I would want to be a father because it would be decided between me and my wife, or that I wanted to have a family.

I’m not rushing anything. If I am to be a father, that’s for me and the Lord to talk about first. My father, and others, are going to have to wait a little longer for an answer. I’m glad I wasn’t going through life hormone first because I would have already had a child or more. I’m being cautious so that fatherhood isn’t started because of a mistake. I’m not getting any younger, but I need to develop more before taking that huge step.

 

And I’m just getting started.

BLM

NRTSU2

Something Small, 2/14/17.

Can some people help explain this situation?

At work, some people pay for their food with $50 and $100 bills, and the total amount owed could be less than $10. I don’t understand it. I would wonder where they get that big of a bill. I would think, “Does the banks pass them out for withdrawal?” because I get $20s when I withdraw. Because of how I was raised, I don’t think it’s safe to carry around large amounts of bills like that. That’s me, though. Maybe I need to make lots of money and pay for things with a $50 or a $100. No. I’ll make a great amount of money and learn to put it in savings again and have security guards in front of the banks and ATMs and stores so that I won’t touch it.

 

And I’m just getting started.

BLM

NRTSU2

Something Small, 2/10/17.

This one is everywhere. I don’t think any male wants their masculinity to be tested, at least most of them. There may be some who wants it to be tested because of their nature and they want thrills. I don’t want it to happen because I’m not the one to start confrontation like that. At work, there were both men and women who wanted to get the order they wanted to challenge the price of the food, and I would have to explain the best I can, sometimes with the manager stepping in. Why do people try others? I think it starts off when we’re kids, where some picked on others because it was fun to them. Getting older, children learn a little more differences between male and female, and would take the opportunity to “test” them. In adulthood, pride takes on a whole new form, and fusing that with masculinity can make some results that can sometimes end up on the evening news. How many have heard stories like, “he stepped on my shoes,” or “he thinks he better than me,” or “he tried to holler at my girl,” or “he cheated me out of some money?” I’m learning to let go of that unnecessary pride, past and present, so that my future is better. It’s tough to say, but there will be dudes who are stronger, bigger, smarter, wealthier, tougher, faster, or something that messes with men’s egos. I did not mention spiritual, or emotionally healthy, or wiser because I think the ego thing is more based on a physical aspect. I think men want to be the top of the food chain, and will compete to do so. A good amount of men are wise enough to not give in to the unnecessary prideful drive to me the most macho, until a beautiful woman passes by. Ha.

 

And I’m just getting started.

BLM

NRTSU2

Inner Culture Shock?

Disclaimer: I forgot what culture shock means, but I’ll look it up later.

 

Before a Super Bowl party, I bought some chips (Doritos) after working a few hours, and went home for a nap. After a nap, I went to the party, and when I got there I put the chips in the freezer. Later on, the co-host, the wife, opened the freezer and saw the chips. She asked who put the chips in the freezer, and I spoke up after ciphering through the sounds. The response were various, from intrigued to questionable. Some asked why I put chips in the freezer, and I said it tasted better and they have a more crisp texture, but it didn’t come out that way. A few guys tried the chips, but the chips weren’t all the way cold/ frozen.

This isn’t the first time this had happened, I think. I discovered freezing Doritos chips several years ago at home just to see what cold chips tasted like, and I liked it. I went back to seminary out of my home state, and I mentioned it with a young adult church small group, and they were puzzled, and one of them dipped into Black mannerisms (they were Chinese).

With all being said, I wonder how much isn’t shared within America’s various cultures. I know food is a big inviter, clothing, too, but what about everything else? Exchanges go on between various cultures, colors, and people groups. Some cultures borrow from other cultures without giving recognition. I find that messed up. Some cultures dismiss what other cultures do or make what they do super exclusive, and that can be messed up, too. Example: originally, Hip-Hop music was thought to be a fad at first, but now it’s in people’s family photo. When I opened people up to what I was doing with my food, it was like they saw Bigfoot.

I had a chip on my shoulder. Psyche. I have a grudge that I need to let go of. I have a problem when a person or more shows something from their culture/ people group, and it’s dismissed and/ or taken. Or if they do something that receives low response, but when someone from another culture/ people group does it, it gets high praises. I don’t like it, and I wish for it not to happen, but they do, and I must let it go.

I don’t know how to end this, but to say don’t be afraid to step out of the box. I think when people stay inside of their box; fear is built up for anything outside of their box. Life is too short to hate on what’s outside of the box. If anyone is introduced to something new, don’t be afraid to try it out before moving forward. Why not try food from the Russians, or check out the clothing styles from Kenya, or listen to music from Sweden. I’m different in my own box, anyway, so why not do what I do. That fear is keeping people in bondage. Drop it and start sharing.

 

And I’m just getting started.

BLM

NRTSU2