Worth The Weight? Part 1

WTW1

Photo taken in 2012.

My current weight: around 210 pounds

 

Weight is not much of an issue for me as it was in the past, but I still keep my mind on it for health reasons. Growing up, I was skinny. There may be a few pictures where I was cheeky, but I had a skinny childhood. I have a picture with one of my cousins, and my sweater was loose where folks could see the shirt underneath. I was thin through college, and I don’t know my eating habits back then. I remember having ramen noodles, cereal, hot dogs, sometimes peanut butter and jelly in the earlier years, chili and spaghetti o’s in the later years. I would sometimes visit the cafeteria and downstairs campus restaurants since I chose not to have a meal plan.

After college, I ate what I ate, at home and sometimes out. My weight change happened after a few experiences in 2008. I was depressed, and I didn’t eat. I just lay in my bed and watched TV. I did eat something because I had a hunger pain, I think. My mother was worried about me because of my appearance and I looked in the mirror and my face was boney. My jeans were loose. I took her advice and went out and bought some Ensure (Wal-Mart brand) to help with the weight gain. A while later, I’m back to the appearance I was before.

When I went to seminary, I didn’t care about how I was eating. I would eat what was in the cafeteria, and get some ice cream afterwards. What I didn’t recognize is I couldn’t eat what I wanted like I used to. I first noticed it when I tried to wear a few of my pants. I had a pair of red Dickies pants, and they bear hugged the bottom half of my body. I had to upgrade my waist size in pants. I had more cheeks in my pictures, I was getting a little belly, and I had to dress the part. That’s the one thing I didn’t like about it the most, buying new close. I was around 180 pounds then. There’s a picture of me on facebook around the time I started my dreadlocks, and it’s like the camera put on pounds.

 

To be continued…

NRTSU2

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Something Small, 3/25/17.

I finally get a half day at work on a Friday, and it’s felt good. They asked me to go to take pictures of a restaurant folks suspected was linked to ours, since it ought to be revealed of any new restaurant locations. I took video, and it turns out to be something not linked to us. I finally was able to go to a young adults night. There were new people and familiar faces. One dude jokingly said I looked criminal or something, and I responded jokingly, but I don’t see myself having extended conversations with dude based on personality. It takes a few times to determine if I’m cool with people, and some of us switch it up so many times to where folks think our personality has many wardrobes and multiple pairs of shoes. It’s been a while, so while I’m conversing with folks, I have to make it count. It’s time to get uncomfortable.

 

And I’m just getting started.

BLM

NRTSU2

Something Small, 3/24/17.

  • Next month, I’m supposed to be getting more hours at work because one of the managers will be leaving for a trip for a few weeks. The only thing I want to happen is that I get one day off in the week, one day off. I don’t want to be worked and overworked because a manager is scared they’ll be undermanned. We have weekdays where there’s boring periods. It’s the weekends where we’ll get more money. I understand if someone has a sick leave (which we currently have), but to doubt that we need help… no. We need three more people, one being a cashier.
  • I like watching wrestling entertainment, and last week a female wrestler had her information hacked and leaked onto the internet. The information included photos and videos of adult content. It is wrong for her property to be leaked out onto the internet without her permission, and I hope justice is served for her and everyone who is innocent in this ordeal. What I don’t understand is why save a video (and photos) with adult content on an online saving space. Those things will stir up more drama than videos showing girls fighting. It’s got people on the internet posting comments, good and messed up, on YouTube pages, twitter, and message boards. And the video(s) were kept long after the hacked victim has moved on with her life, and they could have been deleted. Maybe it was forgotten, yet something like that is huge. For me, it’s like seeing a boulder, forgetting it’s there, walking towards it, and bumping myself onto the boulder thinking I had a clear path. I really hope things get settled with the woman and she can rise above what happened. It is a crime to expose their personal property without their consent.
  • Politics can get messed up. Some people on the right wing don’t like the people on the left wing, and they need each other to fly.
  • If I get my work schedule in order to where I get an early leave, I will start writing stories. It’s time to grow more in writing.

 

And I’m just getting started.

BLM

NRTSU2

Something Small, 3/12/17.

Last week, a new coworker told me that they had a disagreement with another coworker. This is the same new coworker who the 2 coworkers didn’t like because they were new and adjusting to the pace. So, to fast forward, the new coworker and the old coworker had a disagreement when I wasn’t there, and it came up because the new coworker was asked to help them, and they refused the help all because of what happened a few days ago. I told the new coworker to let things pass through, let it go, forgive themselves and others, and that those things happen, so they will have to deal with them in a mature way. I said those things because it happened to me, and I want them to deal with it better than me. If they do, they may turn out better than I. What’s crazy is that I think the other coworker’s spouse heard what I was saying. If they did, they did. They could tell their spouse what I said, because it was truthful. I didn’t want to explain what I did as far as prayer, but I mentioned it. Disagreements, arguments, and fights will happen, but it’s how we handle them. I hope we all process them in a mature manner, release the anger without physical and emotional damage, and grow up. I need to make money, and others’ frustrations won’t help me make money, and others may feel the same way.

 

And I’m just getting started.

BLM

NRTSU2

Last Year in Review.

Last year was… an experience. There were a lot of things that happened that changed the course of my life, and I will do my best to recap them. Let’s go.

  • Employment- I had to change employment 2 times last year because I had to leave my other job, not because I wanted to. I did two things I thought I wouldn’t do: do janitorial work and work a cashier. I currently like the job I have, better than the last one, but I would like to get something that boosts my financial situation.
  • Relationships- I had to think of myself as a villain based on how I treated others sometimes. I wanted to take a break from some social activities because of how I felt. I got that break, but after that I realized some folks wanted me around. They want my company. I was selfish in my actions, and that selfishness hindered growth. I have to have a personal conversation with myself a few times over that, and I still do. Perhaps wanting to break away out of unprocessed emotions is an old demon, so I must have it taken out. One thing I’m learning from last year is to be there and be like, “What’s going on? Let’s deal with it.” I’m easing out of the timid mess. I have to be open to being a friend, a listener, and to make new friends.
  • Politics- I don’t claim a party, not right now. I haven’t been doing my job of praying for Christian leaders. And now, I need to pray for my country to wake up. A lot to things go on in the country that people aren’t aware of, maybe because they’re not in front news, or maybe because they don’t care. I may get the “This is not my America,” or “I didn’t vote for this,” or “We’re better off without..,” but the country I live in is made up of a lot of things, and trying to graft them out may be a mistake, whether it’s culture of people groups. I think my country has lost some respect, and I think it’s going to take a lot of prayer to get new respect.
  • Spirituality- It was a blessing to be consistent in reading the Bible. I learned a bit from the books even though some of the things I read were challenging. I said to myself next year I wanted to add one more book since I was reading three, and I was preparing myself for it. I was also blessed to have prayers answered, like being delivered from anxiety. I completely forgot about it for months until now, and I remembered thanking God during my former second shift for the deliverance. I also thanked God for helping me get rid of my tonsil stones. I realized that if God said “no” to a prayer request, I was okay with it because He was talking to me. Most of my conversations with Him were while driving the car.

This year, I want it to be an upgrade. My goals are continuing from last year with a few additions: get swimming lessons, continue to read the Bible, become debt free, increase the quality in employment based on my qualities/ experience, get in a relationship, become selfless, become more kind instead of nice, get wiser, become consistent with blogging, regain my love/ interest in music/ art, and be more open to myself and folks around me.

It’s time to get uncomfortable.

And I’m just getting started.

BLM

Something Small, 3/3/17.

  • A few days ago, on my way to church, I ran over a squirrel. I don’t care much about running over other animals, like a gopher or a groundhog (whatever got into my little garden), but it was a squirrel. And I saw how it moved, and it could have not gotten hit. I felt real bad. I asked the Lord to forgive me, and I thought, “How could I ask for forgiveness when I can’t forgive others?” I was being reeducated about forgiveness, and I’m blessed for it.
  • I don’t like how customers “lie” where I work. I placed lie in parenthesis because they may not be. They’ll say one order where I am, and say another thing on the other side. I do forget to include things sometimes, some forget to include what they wanted, and while others think I missed something. One “lie” got to me last weekend, but they happen.
  • A few new people were hired at my job recently. One left, and the other is still there. A few of the coworkers has some hostility towards that person, wanting them to do work. What’s crazy is that it is within the same people group, so they can use their familiar language. I talk to the person, who wants people not to dislike them, saying to not worry about it. I look at it from various angles: the person must focus while working, be inquisitive, not worry, be able to work while talking, and have a “what’s next to do” ethic, but that’s my opinion and suggestion. The person is young, like legal adult in high school young, so they have a lot to learn while going to school, trade school, and having a job. What I don’t get is the hostility. I understand that they want the person to work, but the person doesn’t have the work mentality they have. Why not become an encourager instead of using brash, imperative statements? I understand where the young person is coming from a little, where people outside of managers won’t be the encourager and instead make statements about the work ability, so I’m more like, “be yourself, and step your game up, and work smart/ hard.” I recall helping one of the other coworkers on the line when they started, so they should be one of the last ones to complain. If any person is expressing a will and humility to work, we should be a help so that they can be one of the hardest workers in this country. They could be one of the few who could get this country out of debt.

 

And I’m just getting started.

BLM

NRTSU2

Not Right Now.

My father wants to be a grandfather. He has mentioned it before, but it was seriously suggested last year. A few other relatives, including my mother, has mentioned it, but the suggestion died out. The relationship between my father and I is distant. We haven’t really kept in touch since the late 90s. He wants to be a grandfather because he’s getting old, in his mid 50s.

I haven’t strongly responded to his request because my response would be too sharp. I don’t want to be a father, not yet. I don’t have the finances, the maturity, or training, the patience, and the wife to be a father. Before becoming a father, I have to become a husband first, I think. I strongly believe it would be a mistake to father a child without being married, and I’m far from being in a relationship.

It would be crazy if I agreed with his request and fathered a child with someone I don’t care about. It is most likely there were folks who have done that. They just wanted to be a parent to a child for their own reason. On a court show, a young man testified that he wanted to father a child because he didn’t know how long he was going to be alive due to the situations he was in. What would I tell people? Saying, “I wanted to be a father because my father wanted a grandson/ granddaughter.” I don’t know. I would want to be a father because it would be decided between me and my wife, or that I wanted to have a family.

I’m not rushing anything. If I am to be a father, that’s for me and the Lord to talk about first. My father, and others, are going to have to wait a little longer for an answer. I’m glad I wasn’t going through life hormone first because I would have already had a child or more. I’m being cautious so that fatherhood isn’t started because of a mistake. I’m not getting any younger, but I need to develop more before taking that huge step.

 

And I’m just getting started.

BLM

NRTSU2