I took time off of writing because I was getting swamped at work, and I didn’t feel creative. I had to force myself to do something creative. I started doing music, again. I didn’t know how rusty I was. It took me 5 weeks to get the meat of the thing, and it’s mainly titled that.
Last weekend, I went to a conference, meeting people from the church I used to go to back in South Carolina, including meeting new people. I didn’t know how much people grew, like in height, employment, education, and age, of course. I led a small group during discussion, 9th grade middle schoolers, and they were quiet, the opposite of what I was used to. I miss them, the church, but I’m in Kentucky, and I hope to catch up with them more often.
To see part 1, please go to https://bmcneal728.wordpress.com/2017/03/29/worth-the-weight-part-1/
To see part 2, please go to https://bmcneal728.wordpress.com/2017/03/31/worth-the-weight-part-2/
The first thing I noticed about my weight control was the fact that I have to take responsibility in what I eat. If I was working a physically demanding job, which I did, or doing physical activities that worked a sweat, I could get away with what I ate. Right now, I don’t have either, so I must fall back and pay attention. I can’t eat the mall food court everyday because I don’t have money like that, and not everything at the mall food court is good for me. My metabolism isn’t the same as it used to be. The same can be said with my body. So, I will have to work harder to lose what I can.
The second thing I noticed about my weight control was the fact that I have to be more physically active. I’m not as active as I used to be. I didn’t stay active after 2008, which was a mistake. What I want to do is take the weight I gained and convert it into muscle. It would be a miracle to lose the pounds without doing anything, but that’s not the way it goes. I must put in the work, and stay putting in the work. Just because I lose the weight doesn’t mean I stop exercising, and I think I would gain it back and more. I’m going to learn how to swim this year, and I may do free weights, two things I resisted in the past. I have a cousin who did a fitness competition, one friend lifting weights and did competition, and another lifting. I need in on it. I don’t just want to be healthy physically but also mentally and emotionally.
In 10 years, my body chemistry may change, and I don’t know what to expect. I’m getting physicals a few times a year since the country put an importance on health several years ago. At this point I’ll take advantage of the opportunities I have when it comes to health. Right now, at work I’m around food that doesn’t help folks with their health. It’s a challenge to lie off of it most of the week. It’s encouraging to find foods that promote health like tuna, bananas, and anything that doesn’t have aspartame. And it’s also encouraging to have exercises that are enjoyable and don’t get bored. I weigh what I weigh, I don’t like the look of it (on a 1-to-10 scale, a 6.5), I don’t like the limitations of it, and I’m changing it. It’s time to change.
And I’m just getting started.
Disclaimer: To see part 1, please see https://bmcneal728.wordpress.com/2017/03/29/worth-the-weight-part-1/
My mother and one of my cousins liked the fact that I gained weight. I started to get conscious about what I ate while in seminary and worked out maybe five times the whole time I was in seminary. After the seminary years, my weight was about the same. I remember when I hit 190, and I was like, “My weight has to go down.” I didn’t want to stop eating what I liked, but I knew I had to cut something. As a delivery driver, I struggled with my control over what I ate, especially when I hit 200 pounds. That messed me up. After that, I started to do things differently. I cut a bit of my eating out at restaurants. I also stopped eating at a certain time so that the mess won’t sit with me as I sleep (I hope that made sense). After my time as a delivery driver and into my cleaning job, I noticed my jeans being a bit loose. That’s one of the things that were good about my cleaning job. I transitioned into my current job, and I gained weight again and then some.
Regardless of what my mother thought, I had a hard time with my weight, and part of it dealt with the image. I think a lot of folks struggle with their body image. There were a few times where I looked in the mirror and I didn’t like what I saw. I felt like I needed to change. Time passed, and I was more accepting. The biggest thing I worried about was changing pants/ waist sizes. That meant I had to buy news pants, jeans, or whatever to go along with the change. I would have to exercise to keep the waist size. What I really should have been concerned about is my health. I want to make sure my heart and my body is working well before dealing with my body image, so it would require to me know what’s good for me.
To be continued…
Photo taken in 2012.
My current weight: around 210 pounds
Weight is not much of an issue for me as it was in the past, but I still keep my mind on it for health reasons. Growing up, I was skinny. There may be a few pictures where I was cheeky, but I had a skinny childhood. I have a picture with one of my cousins, and my sweater was loose where folks could see the shirt underneath. I was thin through college, and I don’t know my eating habits back then. I remember having ramen noodles, cereal, hot dogs, sometimes peanut butter and jelly in the earlier years, chili and spaghetti o’s in the later years. I would sometimes visit the cafeteria and downstairs campus restaurants since I chose not to have a meal plan.
After college, I ate what I ate, at home and sometimes out. My weight change happened after a few experiences in 2008. I was depressed, and I didn’t eat. I just lay in my bed and watched TV. I did eat something because I had a hunger pain, I think. My mother was worried about me because of my appearance and I looked in the mirror and my face was boney. My jeans were loose. I took her advice and went out and bought some Ensure (Wal-Mart brand) to help with the weight gain. A while later, I’m back to the appearance I was before.
When I went to seminary, I didn’t care about how I was eating. I would eat what was in the cafeteria, and get some ice cream afterwards. What I didn’t recognize is I couldn’t eat what I wanted like I used to. I first noticed it when I tried to wear a few of my pants. I had a pair of red Dickies pants, and they bear hugged the bottom half of my body. I had to upgrade my waist size in pants. I had more cheeks in my pictures, I was getting a little belly, and I had to dress the part. That’s the one thing I didn’t like about it the most, buying new close. I was around 180 pounds then. There’s a picture of me on facebook around the time I started my dreadlocks, and it’s like the camera put on pounds.
To be continued…
I finally get a half day at work on a Friday, and it’s felt good. They asked me to go to take pictures of a restaurant folks suspected was linked to ours, since it ought to be revealed of any new restaurant locations. I took video, and it turns out to be something not linked to us. I finally was able to go to a young adults night. There were new people and familiar faces. One dude jokingly said I looked criminal or something, and I responded jokingly, but I don’t see myself having extended conversations with dude based on personality. It takes a few times to determine if I’m cool with people, and some of us switch it up so many times to where folks think our personality has many wardrobes and multiple pairs of shoes. It’s been a while, so while I’m conversing with folks, I have to make it count. It’s time to get uncomfortable.
And I’m just getting started.
- Next month, I’m supposed to be getting more hours at work because one of the managers will be leaving for a trip for a few weeks. The only thing I want to happen is that I get one day off in the week, one day off. I don’t want to be worked and overworked because a manager is scared they’ll be undermanned. We have weekdays where there’s boring periods. It’s the weekends where we’ll get more money. I understand if someone has a sick leave (which we currently have), but to doubt that we need help… no. We need three more people, one being a cashier.
- I like watching wrestling entertainment, and last week a female wrestler had her information hacked and leaked onto the internet. The information included photos and videos of adult content. It is wrong for her property to be leaked out onto the internet without her permission, and I hope justice is served for her and everyone who is innocent in this ordeal. What I don’t understand is why save a video (and photos) with adult content on an online saving space. Those things will stir up more drama than videos showing girls fighting. It’s got people on the internet posting comments, good and messed up, on YouTube pages, twitter, and message boards. And the video(s) were kept long after the hacked victim has moved on with her life, and they could have been deleted. Maybe it was forgotten, yet something like that is huge. For me, it’s like seeing a boulder, forgetting it’s there, walking towards it, and bumping myself onto the boulder thinking I had a clear path. I really hope things get settled with the woman and she can rise above what happened. It is a crime to expose their personal property without their consent.
- Politics can get messed up. Some people on the right wing don’t like the people on the left wing, and they need each other to fly.
- If I get my work schedule in order to where I get an early leave, I will start writing stories. It’s time to grow more in writing.
And I’m just getting started.
Last week, a new coworker told me that they had a disagreement with another coworker. This is the same new coworker who the 2 coworkers didn’t like because they were new and adjusting to the pace. So, to fast forward, the new coworker and the old coworker had a disagreement when I wasn’t there, and it came up because the new coworker was asked to help them, and they refused the help all because of what happened a few days ago. I told the new coworker to let things pass through, let it go, forgive themselves and others, and that those things happen, so they will have to deal with them in a mature way. I said those things because it happened to me, and I want them to deal with it better than me. If they do, they may turn out better than I. What’s crazy is that I think the other coworker’s spouse heard what I was saying. If they did, they did. They could tell their spouse what I said, because it was truthful. I didn’t want to explain what I did as far as prayer, but I mentioned it. Disagreements, arguments, and fights will happen, but it’s how we handle them. I hope we all process them in a mature manner, release the anger without physical and emotional damage, and grow up. I need to make money, and others’ frustrations won’t help me make money, and others may feel the same way.
And I’m just getting started.