Something Small, 2/17/18.

  • This week was the first week I started my four week stint as cashier at another restaurant. It was cool, yet it was boring because the business was not like my other job. I was already asked if I could stay, and I said no. I told the guy, not the boss, that I will be leaving my other job as well, but at a later time. Word got out to his boss, and his boss talked to my manager, and the thing was misconstrued. I tried to explain when I was going to leave, but it didn’t transmit well until later. Recently, there was a disagreement among the coworkers, and one of them felt discriminated against because of ethnicity. The next day, there was a mistake in the cooking which involved a refund. This, along with other disagreements, has happened once too many, and I told the manager that mess has to stop. I don’t know what the real problems are, insecurity and other crap may be involved, but they keep coming up, and having those things spill out in front of customers is messed up because it taints the business.
  • The writing begins. I think the fan fiction starts first. And I want to do this.
  • My attitude is getting better. I admitted to some folks about how I don’t like spur-of-the-moment changes, and we prayed about it. I am releasing getting a sour attitude when changes don’t go the way I want them to, so there will be a little less pouting. The next thing will be taking the training wheels off my bike.
  • I had an eczema problem for a while, along with other things. I went to the dermatologist, and it was helpful. Beside the medication, I was instructed to not use things that had a fragrance. So the soap, detergent, fabric softener (liquid), and lotion had to be unscented, and that’s a challenge. I already stopped using cologne because it messed with me, but everything else, too? After a few weeks, there is improvement. I still wished I could have fragrance in the soap, but I’ll be okay if it helps my skin.



Something Small, 2/10/18.

  • Work is becoming too much, for my personality at least. I was asked to work with different hours for one day as opposed to split a shift with another employee. I was okay with it during the week, but what wasn’t explained was that the managers wanted me to do this up until the person “graduates” from school. I already spoke about the situation, saying that the arrangement should have been settled way earlier than now instead of waiting at the last moment to switch things up. What triggered me was while I was asked by one of their friends/ manager of another restaurant to help them (paid) for a month since one of their folks will be away for a month, the day I asked to help them was turned down by my manager because I’ll be working at my job that whole day, and that wasn’t fully explained (as I said earlier). This wrinkles my regular schedule, as I use that time to be creative, participate in church activity, and recoup after work. On the selfless side, I’m helping people out, whether they need time in between work and school or if someone will be away for a while. And then there’s me saying I don’t like how I’m being used at work. I will not be pimped out for help, and folks need to respect my time outside of work. I already told them they need 3-4 employees in my position, especially how things are arranged, and one person is already considering switching to part-time in the following month. I think they really want me to work seven days a week from open to close. I will pull my last day working there by the end of April or May. I’ll do my best not to complain, but to do my job, make my suggestions, not be as upset, and make a bold statement of how workers should be treated- I need help on the last one.
  • I’m starting my stories writing now. I told a person what I plan on writing this year, and I’ve been told that when I say I’m going to do something, I do it. I don’t want to lose that element of me. So, starting now and next week the writing continues.
  • There has been bull crap going on that hinders me from being creative, and most of it is from me since I don’t overcome the bull crap. That stops.



Quiet Motivation.

After 2 years of posting anything on YouTube and 3 years of posting any new material on YouTube, I finally posted a new beat. It’s sloppy, but it’s sloppy, and it’s there. For the longest time, I was going to do a project in between projects, something to keep the creative juices fresh. I stopped being creative in music and writing in 2015/ 2016 because I was thrown off when I had to leave a job I liked. Really, I put the blame on myself because I chose not to press on.

I wasn’t lazy, though. I have been playing/ practicing the ukulele off and on. I have about 4 of them now. I also purchased/ adopted a cajón and small percussion instruments. My goal was to make music, get more instruments, and share what I’ve done. I was also wanting to be more technical so that I can know more of the software that I’m using. The most recent goal was to share it, and if folks liked them enough to maybe use them, we could negotiate something. Now, I just want to get moderately creative and still to it until I croak.

I needed motivation. Back then, I don’t know where it came from. I did things for fun, I had support, or I was trying to be like someone like J Dilla. What motivates me now? I want to finish what I started. There’s music I’m planning to dedicate to folks, and I don’t want to back out of it. There are stories I want to write. I’m currently open to say these things because back then my mind was on some other stuff that was either unnecessary or it should have been shut off.

I went to a gravesite to pay a visit because it was something I do every year, and it took too long to go this year. It was a moment, and I was inspired. Whatever weight I was carrying was released, or a good amount of it. I’m slow at being creative, but I’m back at it. What’s scary is that I don’t want to disappoint, but I’ll be disappointing myself if I don’t go through with it all. The first step may be saying to myself I don’t have to be perfect and I don’t need to quit if I don’t get it right the first time. So, music and writing will be more prominent if it’s willed and as I pray about it. If I don’t do it, who will? Time to go forward.


I’m just getting started.



Something Small, 3/24/17.

  • Next month, I’m supposed to be getting more hours at work because one of the managers will be leaving for a trip for a few weeks. The only thing I want to happen is that I get one day off in the week, one day off. I don’t want to be worked and overworked because a manager is scared they’ll be undermanned. We have weekdays where there’s boring periods. It’s the weekends where we’ll get more money. I understand if someone has a sick leave (which we currently have), but to doubt that we need help… no. We need three more people, one being a cashier.
  • I like watching wrestling entertainment, and last week a female wrestler had her information hacked and leaked onto the internet. The information included photos and videos of adult content. It is wrong for her property to be leaked out onto the internet without her permission, and I hope justice is served for her and everyone who is innocent in this ordeal. What I don’t understand is why save a video (and photos) with adult content on an online saving space. Those things will stir up more drama than videos showing girls fighting. It’s got people on the internet posting comments, good and messed up, on YouTube pages, twitter, and message boards. And the video(s) were kept long after the hacked victim has moved on with her life, and they could have been deleted. Maybe it was forgotten, yet something like that is huge. For me, it’s like seeing a boulder, forgetting it’s there, walking towards it, and bumping myself onto the boulder thinking I had a clear path. I really hope things get settled with the woman and she can rise above what happened. It is a crime to expose their personal property without their consent.
  • Politics can get messed up. Some people on the right wing don’t like the people on the left wing, and they need each other to fly.
  • If I get my work schedule in order to where I get an early leave, I will start writing stories. It’s time to grow more in writing.


And I’m just getting started.



Last Year in Review.

Last year was… an experience. There were a lot of things that happened that changed the course of my life, and I will do my best to recap them. Let’s go.

  • Employment- I had to change employment 2 times last year because I had to leave my other job, not because I wanted to. I did two things I thought I wouldn’t do: do janitorial work and work a cashier. I currently like the job I have, better than the last one, but I would like to get something that boosts my financial situation.
  • Relationships- I had to think of myself as a villain based on how I treated others sometimes. I wanted to take a break from some social activities because of how I felt. I got that break, but after that I realized some folks wanted me around. They want my company. I was selfish in my actions, and that selfishness hindered growth. I have to have a personal conversation with myself a few times over that, and I still do. Perhaps wanting to break away out of unprocessed emotions is an old demon, so I must have it taken out. One thing I’m learning from last year is to be there and be like, “What’s going on? Let’s deal with it.” I’m easing out of the timid mess. I have to be open to being a friend, a listener, and to make new friends.
  • Politics- I don’t claim a party, not right now. I haven’t been doing my job of praying for Christian leaders. And now, I need to pray for my country to wake up. A lot to things go on in the country that people aren’t aware of, maybe because they’re not in front news, or maybe because they don’t care. I may get the “This is not my America,” or “I didn’t vote for this,” or “We’re better off without..,” but the country I live in is made up of a lot of things, and trying to graft them out may be a mistake, whether it’s culture of people groups. I think my country has lost some respect, and I think it’s going to take a lot of prayer to get new respect.
  • Spirituality- It was a blessing to be consistent in reading the Bible. I learned a bit from the books even though some of the things I read were challenging. I said to myself next year I wanted to add one more book since I was reading three, and I was preparing myself for it. I was also blessed to have prayers answered, like being delivered from anxiety. I completely forgot about it for months until now, and I remembered thanking God during my former second shift for the deliverance. I also thanked God for helping me get rid of my tonsil stones. I realized that if God said “no” to a prayer request, I was okay with it because He was talking to me. Most of my conversations with Him were while driving the car.

This year, I want it to be an upgrade. My goals are continuing from last year with a few additions: get swimming lessons, continue to read the Bible, become debt free, increase the quality in employment based on my qualities/ experience, get in a relationship, become selfless, become more kind instead of nice, get wiser, become consistent with blogging, regain my love/ interest in music/ art, and be more open to myself and folks around me.

It’s time to get uncomfortable.

And I’m just getting started.


Brandon’s Rhyme (Writing) Corner.


(Lord) I had a change in my attitude. Back then, I would resort to extort nihilism and be rude.

I didn’t like surprise changes. Old-new news was like strangers. How could I explain it? It may be like waking up in the afternoon instead of morning. It throws me off while I’m yawning.

The old me is expressed every so often, but I want him popped off and laying in the coffin.

I must read the Bible every day, getting in line. During the day, I should put in more time to pray.

And I want to keep the habit. I’m waiting for the time to meet You, Lord. I got to have it.

Heaven or Hell. I don’t care where I go. I want to know if I can see Your face. For sure, not for show.

I used to believe in things that proved to be temporary. Now, I have better guidance. Life is far from imaginary.

I know there are people who don’t believe You. They want a sign, a miracle, and to “see” You.

And I know I’m far from off when I’m far from being condemned and (my) condemnation is in the coffin.


Six feet deep. Six feet deep? I need my sins to be buried further and eternally sleep.

All that growing up built up my character. I tried to be on Earth just as an inhabiter.

But I make moves often. I serve God, hopefully to have all my sins in a coffin.


And I’m just getting started.



Atonement, drawn 12/2010. I was inspired to draw this while in seminary. I think the letter to the Colossians was involved.




Something Small, 7/9/16.

  • Several years ago, I was in an office of a career counselor. They saw that I had an English degree. The person asked me why I didn’t use it. I gave a runaround answer. I really didn’t have an answer. I didn’t know what do to with my degree, I was afraid to look, and once I tried looking for work based around it I would quit shortly after because I got discouraged. Bouncing around jobs really wasn’t comfortable, especially when I didn’t finish seminary. I didn’t seeing bouncing through jobs in my plans. But since then, I’ve been more focused instead of going wherever the wind takes me. I’m proud of working somewhere for more than a year. As far as careers, my dream is to work on music, to get paid for my beats, if they’re really good. What is more realistic is working somewhere based on my experience(s) and qualifications (:P). What I need to work hard for is working in my field, whether based around English or ministry. There will always be obstacles, whether it’s myself, others, and/ or possibly time. I rather not have folks in my way, but it will most likely happen. I don’t want to ponder on it too much, but rather do what I like and what is appropriate.
  • I need to explain the last poetry corner, “Stint.” I wrote that based on the time I had during the 2nd shift job I had. I was thinking about MF Doom’s “Doomsday” while I was writing, to get into the feel and possibly write better, I was feeling like I didn’t care what happened to me during my job, as if I was brave (a bit foolishly brave), I was hearing what some folks suggested, but it seemed like it didn’t go with me. My attitude was sour, and it needed to change. So, what was written was a love letter to everyone, including me. Folks said they missed me, and I was nonchalant when they said it. I wasn’t as bright, and I hoped this would catch anyone up, allow them to move forward, and for me to brighten up on the inside. Thanks to everyone who checked out and/ or liked it.
  • I have been asked by a few people about seminary recently. I had a conversation with God a while before that, explaining why I didn’t want to return and it was for small stuff that happened in the past that should have not held weight. I reluctantly said I would go back. I didn’t want to go back, all because of something minor, not getting back into the dorm. I wasn’t ready for the responsibility of an apartment, or any change that was huge for me. I thought I would be overwhelmed going to school, living in an apartment paying rent, and having a job all at once, and some folks do that. So I’m saying to myself to let go of any hang-ups and grow up some more. I won’t be back in seminary any time soon, but it’s on my list.
  • These last few days have been messed up for America. Two Black males have been shot and killed by police and a person or people have shot at police, killing a few, and injuring the others. The way Black males are viewed by the police and how the Black community view police needs to change now. The deaths of the 2 Black males didn’t make sense to me, and the shooting and killing of the police didn’t make sense to me, either. I’m just a male behind a keyboard, but this voice I’m using can spread. Black people have a culture of our own in America, but it shouldn’t be viewed as a threat. It’s like any other ethnic culture in America. I believe a lot of fear (propaganda) is involved, and it should be put to rest. I’m going to close this by praying for all of the families involved in the tragedies, and say my name is Brandon and I am Black.


And I’m just getting started.